


The Comic Book Store

by highqualityziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Artist Zayn, Blowjobs, Bottom Zayn, BoyxBoy, Buff Liam, Comics, Fan Comics, Gay, Gay Smut, Liam - Freeform, Liam Payne - Freeform, M/M, Nerdy Zayn, Riding, Rough Ziam, Smut, Sub Zayn, The Comic Book Store, Top Liam, Tough Liam, Zayn Malik - Freeform, Ziam Ficathon, highqualityziam, nerdy liam, smart zayn, zayn, ziam, ziam palik - Freeform, ziam smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-08 07:38:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 36,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3200930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highqualityziam/pseuds/highqualityziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn works at a comic book store.</p><p>Liam moved into town and needs a new place to get his comics.</p><p>(on my wattpad too, which is hardcoremuke)</p><p>my twitter is: @zaynfromthe1975</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter one

Zayn strolled out of uni, slinging his ratty backpack over his shoulder.  
he jogged across the newly painted parking lot, and slid into the faded leather seat of his old rusted car, turning on the heat right away, letting the warmth take over the space.

he immediately drove over to the small comic book store at which he worked, looking forward to being in silence.

you could say that it was his escape.

it was a nice distraction from his anxiety; from all the bullshit in the world. he could stock shelves and sweep the wooden floors and sit at his desk sketching whatever came to mind. it was strange; being able to  release everything onto the paper of his tattered sketch pad.

Zayn always had wanted to get away from the chaos of school.

when he was a child he was always the one in the corner reading comics or humming the music his mother always played until time passed.

yet school took that sense of calm away from him. at school everyone acted like they were his friend when they were alone, but around everyone else he was just another face in the crowd, a loner.

he hated that.

he liked his job because it was a few blocks from one of those well know. comic book stores, so the little one at which he was employed at didn't have much business. he was still able to be in there, surrounded by the things that he read as he grew up.

he parked his car in the small parking slot labeled 'Malik,' considering he'd worked there ever since he was sixteen, and he was now nineteen studying at uni. his boss Shawn insisted on treating his employees with respect and care.

he got out and walked through the door, letting an older woman named Mary get off her shift.

he pulled out a textbook and began studying, looking up when he heard the bell signaling that someone had entered the shop.

Zayn closed up his book, sitting there patiently, putting a friendly smile on his face. he smoothed his jeans, his eyes spotting a tall brunette boy with broad shoulders, wearing a black tshirt with a button up thrown on, a beanie pulled onto his head, his baggy jeans hanging low on his hips.

Zayn was confused because the boy looked like the kind of guy that would bump into Zayn in the hallways and mutter insults to him. 

he wondered what he was doing inside of a practically vacant comic book shop. despite Zayn's thoughts that maybe the boy just needed to use their restroom or that he needed directions, the boy walked up to Zayn and lightly smiled. Zayn noticed the softness in the boys eyes, contradicting his build.

"hi um- I just moved here a few days ago and I like to have a comic book store that I can order my regulars from, and I hate using the huge stores because it just- I guess it just doesn't give you that same feeling. it feels fake and- I don't know what I'm saying. I probably sound like an idiot."

Zayn blushed, feeling all nervous all of a sudden. why was this guy so nice?  
"you don't sound like an idiot. I know what you mean. I'm Zayn."

the boy smiled, his cheeks slightly red.  
"I'm Liam."

Zayn smiled, reaching out his shaky hand, Liam doing the same, shaking his hand as Zayn spoke,  
"you going to uni?"

"yeah I'm starting on Monday."

Zayn thought about the fact that it was Friday.  
"that's really cool- it'd be cool for me to like show you around, yeah? like help you out and maybe meet friends."

"well I would be really grateful if you let me hang out with you, that's really nice."

Zayn almost rolled his eyes, he couldn't believe that the boy thought it was a privilege to hang out with him, he just wanted to help him start out.  
"you seem cool."

Liam smiled,   
"so do you. could I have your number so that I can tell you where I am on Monday so that we can meet up?"

Zayn nodded, going over and grabbing a small sticky note, writing his number on it, handing it to Liam.  
"thanks. I really like the look of this store by the way," he looked around, smiling sincerely, "it's very.. comfortable. it's hard to explain but it's nice."

Zayn smiled,  
"I love it here, calms me down I guess."

Liam looked at him for a few moments before breaking the silence.  
"so I guess I'll see you on Monday."

he touched Zayn's arm in a friendly manner as he spoke, running his hand down until he reached Zayn's wrist, the small sign of a smirk apparent before walking away, leaving Zayn unsteady.

Zayn tried to calm his breathing, watching the tall boy walk away from him, slipping out of the door, letting the whole room turn to the normal temperature. Zayn stared at the wall, unable to focus on anything else, knowing that the boy who left would drive him crazy.


	2. chapter two; monday

Zayn groaned as his obnoxious alarm blared by his left ear.

he swung his hand over, hitting the off button harshly, knocking the small thing to the floor.

he laid on his back, closing his eyes shut, dreading school.

he groaned again, throwing the black comforter off of himself and getting out of bed, his eyes trying and failing to adjust to the light coming from his window.

he walked over to his messy closet, pulling out a black and white baseball tee and black skinny jeans, going to his dresser and grabbing a clean pair of boxers and socks, jogging to his bathroom across the hall, getting undressed and showering.

•••

when he got out, he felt like he was forgetting something.

he ignored the feeling, and got ready doing his regular rushed routine, fixing his hair so that it was in a quiff.

he made himself his cup of black coffee then throwing on his black jacket and making his way out of the flat.

•••

the drive was quick, considering he lived about a half of a mile from there.

he got out of his car, lighting up a cigarette and leaning against the outside of the building.

he heard his phone go off in his pocket and he picked it up, seeing a new message from a random number.

hey Zayn, it's Liam Payne (that rhymed lol) I was just texting to tell you that I'm on my way there and you wanted to meet? :)

Zayn smiled, realizing that this was what he had forgotten.

right, hey. I'm at the front standing up against the wall.

he saw that the text was read and nervously tried to make a joke, knowing that Liam was driving. he sent it reluctantly, wondering why he was nervous for something so ridiculous.

don't text and drive ;)

funny ;) I'm at a red light so I think it's okay.

Zayn smiled and slipped his phone back into his pocket, waiting for a few minutes, enjoying the fact that he always timed his arrival at school so that he could chill out for at least twenty minutes.

soon a small black car drove up and parked near the front of the building and Zayn watched as Liam stepped out wearing a black tee shirt and light jeans.

Zayn took a deep breath, taking one last drag of his cigarette, dropping it and stepping on it with the heel of his shoe right as Liam approached.

"hey Zayn." he smiled warmly, making Zayn feel unsteady.

"hi."

Liam ran his hand on Zayn's arm like he had done in the comic book store, still making Zayn shudder,

"thank you for agreeing to like hang out with me today. that was really nice."

Zayn nodded, trying to look anywhere but the eyes of the boy in front of him.  
"anytime. I don't really hang out with that many people because they like- get on my nerves but you seem like a cool guy."

Liam smiled, letting go of Zayn,  
"you too."

Zayn smiled and tried to control his breathing,  
"can I see your schedule?"

Liam nodded,  
"sure."

he set his backpack down on a bench and got the piece of paper, handing it to Zayn, who examined it.

"so you're a biology major?"

Liam smiled,  
"yeah. what about you?"

Zayn blushed,  
"English. I also have an art class, that's my favorite."

Liam smiled,  
"I love art, but I can't draw to save my life."

they both laughed and Zayn pointed out something,  
"we actually have the same free period right before lunch."

Liam grinned,  
"really?"

"yeah. none of my friends have the same, so I'll finally have someone to hang out with for it."

Liam nodded,  
"that'll be cool. it'll make the day seem like- shorter."

Zayn nodded, looking at his phone to check the time right as the bell rang.

"meet me by the library for free period. your science class is to the left when you enter the building."

Liam smiled,  
"okay, thanks! see you then." 

Zayn walked in with him, then jogging the opposite way, heading to art.


	3. chapter three; free hour

when Zayn got out of his English class which was his second class, he walked to the library and waited right in front of the double doors.

soon, Liam walked up to him,  
"so what are we gonna do?"

Zayn smiled, thinking,  
"well I usually just to the library, but that would be kinda boring. so since lunch is next anyway, we could go to lunch and talk more, because all I know about you is that you like comics and you are studying biology."

Liam laughed,  
"that's true, we should go."

Zayn nodded, walking out of the building,  
"who's car should we take?"

Liam thought for a moment,  
"I don't care, we can just take yours since you probably know the way around."

Zayn nodded as they walked, Liam following him to his car.

"my car is shitty, sorry."

they both laughed,  
"it's not bad, the old look just adds character."

Zayn laughed,  
"I just think it's shit."

they got in, music softly playing in the background.

the ride was silent, only for about ten minutes as Zayn pulled up to a small pizza parlor.

they got out of the car, walking in and checking in at the desk, and sitting at a booth near the back of the room.

they decided on what to get, eventually just deciding to split a small pizza, ordering water.

as they ate, it was extremely difficult for Zayn to not look at Liam.

he was developing quite a pathetic crush on the boy, and he didn't know what to do.

Zayn had known he was gay for a long time, but he didn't admit it to himself until he was a sophomore in high school, and so when he came out, he got a lot of shit for it, so his parents made him finish high school there, and when he graduated, he moved for uni.

he was worried about Liam finding out about it, because he really liked hanging out with him, and he didn't want to scare him off.

he knew that Liam was straight and it terrified him that Liam could stop being his friend, because all he had was Louis, and he only saw him in his English class. 

"Zayn." Zayn's head shot up, pulled from his thoughts.

"yeah?"

Liam looked worried,   
"what's wrong."

Zayn shook his head,  
"nothing, I just spaced out."

Liam's face softened a little.  
"you sure?"

Zayn nodded,  
"yeah."

they sat in silence as they ate.

soon, they started making small talk, and were distracted by obnoxious girls whispering and giggling their asses off, staring at Liam, blushing.

Zayn took a deep breath, knowing that this is what he would deal with hanging out with Liam because he was so hot.

he tried not to get jealous, but it was incredibly tough.

soon, one girl actually walked up to their table, standing in front of Liam.

"um hi." her make up was caked on, her cleavage out and ridiculous, causing Zayn to almost laugh. "my friend was tired of me talking about how cute you are, and she dared me to come and ask for your number." she was blushing, but she was obviously very full of herself, the way she stood, completely oblivious to Zayn's presence.

Liam was blushing, feeling awkward, looking at Zayn, who was completely stiff, and he was uncomfortable.

"well, you're a gorgeous girl, but I kind of like- I play for the other team. I'm not into girls, but you are beautiful."

Zayn was amazed at how he let her down, but he was shocked, the girl practically ran away from them, embarrassed.

Zayn was unsure if Liam was being honest or if he was just saying that to get rid of the girl, so he didn't want to get his hopes up on Liam being gay.

"you're gay?" Zayn's tone came out harsher than he meant it to, and Liam's face went red.

"uh- yeah. I wasn't planning on telling you yet but I really didn't want to give her my number."

Zayn was baffled.  
"you're gay?"

Liam laughed unsteadily,  
"yeah. I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk to me anymore that's fine but I do think you're cool."

Zayn took a deep breath,  
"no no no, I'm not saying that! I was just shocked. I thought you'd be weirded out about the whole gay thing."

Liam's eyebrows furrowed,  
"what?"

Zayn laughed.  
"because I'm gay and I didn't wanna tell you because I thought it might weird you out."

Liam smiled,  
"that's funny."

Zayn laughed.  
"yeah, weird."

•••

they hung out for a few days like this during the week.

on Thursday, after they had gotten McDonald's, they drove to a park, Zayn was really happy that he wouldn't lose Liam as a friend, but he was sad that Liam might not ever like him more than a friend.

they walked the path inside the park, awkwardly apologizing every time their hands brushed. 

Zayn was hot all over even though it was cold outside.

he was so stressed out and worried and he felt Liam's gaze on him.

Liam didn't want to talk to Zayn about it, because he didn't want to annoy him by asking how he is all the time, and so he kept his mouth shut.

Zayn tried to keep up the conversation but he was just so stressed out.

time passed and they both decided to get back to school, so Zayn started driving them and soon they were there again.

Zayn felt horrible for being so boring with Liam, but he couldn't help but be so stressed out. 

it was frustrating to be close to somebody that you're so attracted to all the time, and not able to do anything about it.


	4. chapter four

the next day during free period, Liam and Zayn actually talked about themselves instead of small talk and awkward silences.

Zayn told his story about coming out, and then Liam decided to tell his.

"I guess I started to figure it out in sixth grade. we changed in the locker rooms and I found myself staring at all of the boys. I don't know- I went out with girls and I even slept with one to try to convince myself but it was honestly disgusting. so I came out in junior year and this kid that used to be my friend yelled at me for it and I got beat up for it." he shrugged, the sad emotion still filling his eyes. "so that summer I hit the weights and went back and nobody messed with me again except for the occasional insult whispered in the hallway. I don't look like a stereotypical gay guy, so unless people hear it, they don't know, which is good, but it's ridiculous that it does have to be covered up by things like how I dress or talk."

Zayn was nodding,   
"it's fucking dumb that you had to go through that, and I am so sorry. I'm glad we met though."

Liam smiled, his cheeks red,  
"me too."

•••

when free period ended, they decided to go to the cafeteria for lunch.

Zayn hadn't told Louis about his crush, because if he did, then he knew that the comments from the boy wouldn't stop, and it would end up being uncomfortable. 

Zayn knows that Louis will figure it out on his own, because they have been friends for years, because they had met on twitter and when Zayn moved after high school, he made sure to go where Louis was going.

they had met for support because both of them were gay and they were always there for each other.

•••

when the boys walked through the pointlessly heavy doors, they looked around and Zayn saw Louis talking to a blonde boy at the table.

he walked up and sat across from the two boys, Liam sitting by him,  
"hey Niall."

Zayn was shocked,  
"this is Niall? I didn't know you two knew each other."

Louis laughed,  
"coincidence, hm. so who's this lad, Zayn?"

Zayn tried not to blush, looking up at Liam to speak.

"I'm Liam Payne. you must be Louis?"

Louis smiled,  
"he's a polite little fucker, isn't he?"

Niall laughed, the other ones doing the same.

Zayn smiled shyly at Liam.

Niall broke the silence,  
"nice to meet you, Zayn. guys I'm gonna go get some food."

Liam got up,  
"I'm gonna come with you, Zee do you want anything?"

Zayn smiled,  
"no I'm okay, thank you."

Liam smiled and followed Niall up to the line.

Zayn turned back at Louis, seeing his tongue against his cheek,

"you dirty fucking whore."

Zayn's eyes snapped up, laughing,  
"what are you talking about."

Louis laughed,  
"don't act so innocent."

Zayn was blushing,  
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Lou."

"you are practically on all fours for that lovely piece of ass over there."

Zayn blushed,  
"I am not!"

Louis laughed,  
"oh I'm sorry, I had no idea you were a top."

Zayn laughed,  
"I bottom- but fuck. just because were both gay-"

Louis gasped,  
"that hot thing is gay?"

Zayn rolled his eyes,  
"yeah and I like him but he won't like me back, you know that."

Louis laughed,  
"excuse me? if we weren't both bottoms I would be with you in the bathroom right now! Zayn, he would die to be with you, so you better hurry up to get on his dick soon, or else I will!"

Zayn shushed him,  
"okay, look. I'm not gonna do anything until he lets me know that he might like me, then I'll see what happens, but please find someone else. fuck- I am so attracted to him it's ridiculous. he is that hot and he reads comics and is a fucking biology major."

Louis laughed,  
"he's literally made for you, he is a nerd and a top. fuck I bet he has a huge-"

"LOUIS, please! I have already thought about that! fucking hell."

they both laughed, Zayn attempting to keep his glare at Louis.

soon, Niall and Liam returned back from the line, Louis stealing a chip off of Niall's plate almost every minute, Liam offering Zayn food until he finally takes a fourth of Liam's sandwich.

Louis wanted to drive Zayn crazy,  
"so do you know what I think is strange? we have two out of four gay guys at this table, counting me."

Liam leaned in,  
"three."

Louis smiled,  
"ah, three. now, how many of us are single?"

Zayn rolled his eyes,  
"I am."

Louis grinned,  
"me too. what about you Liam?"

"yeah, I'm single, why?"

"well, it's just interesting to me. I mean, I'm not ugly, Zayn definitely isn't ugly, and boy you aren't fucking ugly, so what's up with that? see, I know that in a matter of time, some beautiful boy will come to this school or meet me in a bar and I'll end up dating him for a long time or try to marry him, but what are your plans?"

Zayn glared at him and Liam was blushing,

Liam spoke,  
"I don't know. if everything works out then I'll end up with someone."

Louis raised an eyebrow,  
"what do you mean by that?"

"I meant it how it sounded."

Louis chuckled, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest,  
"hmm."

Zayn rolled his eyes again, trying not to meet Liam's gaze.

"Zayn, what about you?"

Zayn just glared,  
"same as what Liam said, mate."

Niall laughed,  
"well this was odd. I am going to go talk to my lovely lady friend that I met this morning, I will leave you guys to be awkward."

he got up and took his tray with him, dumping the wrappers in the trash.

Zayn looked at Liam, smiling slightly to lessen the tense vibe.

soon, the bell rung, dismissing them to class and Zayn walked by Liam, feeling hot and suffocated all over until they went opposite ways, heading to class.


	5. chapter five

as Zayn set it class he decided to text Louis.

you are such a dick.

he could practically hear Louis laughing at him.

no I'm funny.

no you're a dick.

babe, he likes you.

Zayn scoffed a little to loud and half of the class looked at him and he just looked around, failing but trying to pull it off like it hadn't been him.

shut up. he wouldn't like me.

he got a text back immediately.

shut up Zayn, you ignorant slut. he does, I can tell.

how can you read him? you just met him. you didn't even know he was gay.

well I can read him because I can read everyone, and the ironic thing is that I'm gay but my gaydar sucks ass.

Zayn smiled, trying not to laugh.

whatever, but please don't be like that again. it embarrassed him.

no. it made YOU embarrassed and he was just kinda uneasy.

whatever.

oh, and I told niall to invite Liam to the game today to watch me play and you guys can sit there.

LOUIS.

what?

you're meddling.

what am I meddling with? I thought you guys were just friends?

we are. just shut up.

oh and please wait until AFTER the game to suck his dick, this is the last game of the season.

LOUIS STOP. IM TURNING OFF MY PHONE!!

fine.

Zayn chuckled to himself and put his phone in his pocket, looking forward and attempting to pay attention.


	6. chapter six

when school ended, Zayn's heart started to race.

he felt like such an idiot.

he had a gigantic crush on Liam and he didn't know how to handle it anyway, and now, Louis was doing what he does and making Zayn extremely uncomfortable and awkward by having Liam hang out with him.

they hang out anyway, but this just makes Zayn stressed out and he doesn't even understand why.

•••

Zayn rushed to the comic book store because he had promised his boss that he would restock the shelves with the new order that he shipped in before he went to Louis' game.

he got out of his car, shutting the door softly and jogging up to the small store, unlocking it and opening it, the automatic lights turning on as he walked over to the counter, cutting the tape on the boxes with his key, opening it and admiring the smell of new comic books.

his movements were quick as he took out the books, running around the store in his familiar path as he put the comic books in their designated places.

soon he looked at the clock and knew he had to hurry.

after what seemed like forever, he finished and grabbed his phone and keys.

he rushed out and locked the door, making his way back to his car.

he started the car and noticed that he had fifteen minutes to get to the game, or else he wouldn't hear the end of it from Louis.

he pulled out of the parking lot and made his way over to the school's field for the game.

he heard the annoying laughter and talking of way too many people as he stepped out of the car, shivering as he was only wearing a flannel and it was freezing outside.

he jogged into the area, walking up the crowded stares as he spotting Niall and Liam standing, an empty seat next to Liam.

he took a few deep breaths and walked over.

"hey guys."

"hey, was worried you'd miss it, mate." Niall was smiley as always and hugged Zayn, then Liam doing the same after Niall had pulled away.

"you're really cold, Zayn."

Zayn nodded, laughing,  
"you're warm."

Liam chuckled and shrugged, only in a hoodie.

Zayn turned and looked for Louis, and saw him stretching near the field.

soon, he was shaking as he was cold and he could almost feel his nose turning red as he shivered.

soon, he felt a strong arm around him, and he warmed up immediately.

"better?"

Zayn blushed, nodding.  
"yeah, thanks."

he expected Liam to pull away when the game started, but he just seemed to hold into him tighter and Zayn was a mess.

he couldn't bring himself to stop blushing and it wasn't just because of the cold weather.

the game was going crazy and Zayn barely knew what was going on, but whenever Louis did anything, he made sure to scream his name, cheering him on, Liam doing the same, while Niall was just screaming the entire time.

Zayn's heart was racing and he was starting to think that it was unhealthy for it to do that so often, since he was around Liam so much now. 

the game went on for what seemed like forever and eventually the game had five minutes left and Louis' team was behind by two points.

Zayn became stressed out and was biting his knuckles, a nervous habit of his.

he felt Liam's gaze on him, and he looked up to see the boy smiling down at him chuckling and shaking his head, looking back to the game, his hand rubbing Zayn's shoulder.

Zayn felt himself blush an even darker shade of red, and right when he looked back to the game, Louis was dribbling the ball across the field and in seconds time, he made a goal, winning the game for his team. 

Zayn screamed and Niall and Liam both practically attacked him in a hug as they jumped up and down, excited.

when they pulled away, laughing at themselves, and saw Louis being picked up by his team, they decided to go congratulate him.

they gathered themselves together and pushed through the hectic crowd and walked down the stairs, where Louis was smiling and celebrating with his friends and Niall ran up and jumped on Louis, almost tackling him to the ground.

the other boys walked up and hugged him, congratulating him.

after the atmosphere calmed down, Niall spoke up,  
"do you guys wanna hang out at my place to celebrate?"

Louis laughed,  
"if it's up to you, doesn't celebrating just mean getting drunk and ordering pizza?"

Niall laughed,  
"what kind of celebration is better?"

they all laughed and shrugged, all making their way out into the parking lot.

Niall, Louis and Liam had all come in Louis' car, and Zayn started going towards his own.

Liam looked at him walking away, and spoke up,  
"wait, Zayn are you by yourself?"

Zayn turned around, blushing just at the sound of his voice,  
"yeah."

"mind if I ride with you?"

Louis smirked at Zayn and he rolled his eyes,  
"it's okay, you don't have to."

"I want to, can I?"

Zayn nodded, waving him over an unlocking his car, Liam getting in the passenger seat.


	7. chapter seven;never have I ever...

Zayn was avoiding Liam's gaze until he spoke up,  
"I am like- I'm really glad that we're starting to hang out outside of school. I know we do for free hour and lunch, but like- it's nice."

Zayn's heartbeat sped up and he blushed as he started the car, looking over at Liam,  
"yeah, me too. I'm- I'm glad."

Liam nodded and looked out the window.

Zayn waited for Louis to start driving and then he pulled out of the parking stall, following Louis' car for what seemed like forever in the awkward silence, Zayn feeling suffocated once again.

Zayn started to sweat, worrying that Liam would notice the tension.

it made Zayn wonder if Liam felt that too. 

he must have, because he heard Liam clear his throat, trying to fill the silence.

soon they arrived at what must be Niall's flat, and they all got out of the car, Niall on the phone making pizza orders even as they made their way into the flat.

Zayn found the place to be very Niall.

it was messy but it didn't look trashy, it just looked like a twenty year old party boy lived there.

the colors were all thrown together, CDs and movies stacked up on the tv, and Zayn found it nice because it was very lived in, which made it feel comfortable and like you'd been there a million times.

Niall got off the phone with the pizza place and Louis spoke,  
"hey Ni, can I borrow a pair of sweats and a tshirt? my uniform is not feeling too hot right now."

Niall laughed and shrugged, walking to his room and grabbing what Louis had asked for and tossed it to him.

Louis caught it,  
"bathroom?"

Niall smirked,  
"you know I thought we were just friends. next time be more subtle."

Louis laughed,  
"shut up and I'm just waiting for you to hit on me. where is your bathroom so that I can change, you idiot."

Niall's laugh seemed to bounce off the walls,  
"down the hall, first door on your left."

Louis thanked him and went that way.

Niall gestured for Zayn and Liam to sit on the couch and they all sat down.

they were all awkwardly quiet until Louis emerged from the bathroom.

"I was not gone that long and you guys have both lost your excitement in the fact that I just made our school a champion. I feel like I am always the one to make things fun, but it you insist, I will begin my job. Niall, my sweet blonde fairy, may you go grab all of the beer and alcohol in your possession and set it on the counter. we are playing never have I ever, my ladies."

they all laughed and Niall walked over to his fridge,   
"can I get some help in here?"

Liam jumped up and went in, helping Niall empty the majority of his fridge onto his kitchen counter.

Zayn immediately got nervous.

he hated the unknown, and he definitely didn't know what would be asked, and he didn't want to lie.

Niall had bar stools and chairs and they all pulled one up to the circular table, shot glasses set before each person and Niall filled up each glass, having extras poured near him for extra refills.

Louis spoke,  
"okay so is everyone familiar with the game?"

Zayn spoke up,  
"I think we all are, but just go over it."

Louis sighed dramatically, acting bored.  
"okay, so this game is called 'never have I ever, and someone will say 'never have I ever' and then finish it off and whoever has done what the question asked, then you take a shot. so for example, if I said, 'never have I ever eaten an apple,' all of us would take a shot because we've all eaten an apple. does that make sense?"

there were words of approval by everyone and they all sat, looking around, before Louis rolled his eyes,  
"okay, I'll start. never have I ever cheated on a test."

everyone except Zayn took a drink and Niall scoffed,  
"everyone has cheated once."

Zayn chuckled,  
"I haven't."

Louis laughed and passed around the bottle, everyone filling up their glasses. he noticed Liam's glance on Zayn,  
"okay, well since you didn't drink, you can pick the next question."

Zayn nodded and thought for a moment, before picking one,  
"never have I ever kissed a guy."

they all laughed and took the shot, the eyes on Niall,  
"what just because I don't like cock up the ass, doesn't mean I haven't made out with hot guys."

they all laughed, filling up their Louis speaking,   
"okay, I got one, this one is for Zayn and I, I believe, never have I ever made the decision that I am a bottom."

Zayn glared at Louis and took the shot, Louis doing it also, Liam and Niall sat there chuckling, Liam's eyes on Zayn, Louis speaking up.  
"so, Liam, by this I am assuming you are a top, and Zayn is a bottom, very interesting."

Liam blushed, nodding, Zayn glaring at Louis.

Liam spoke,  
"I have one. okay never have I ever gotten hard in class."

they all laughed and thought about it for a moment, before everyone took a shot except for Louis.

Niall scoffed,  
"oh come on, you're totally lying."

Louis gasped,  
"I'm totally serious. there's like never been anyone I've found attractive because I was friends with girls and- ew. also, the guys I found hot bullied me so that was a bit of a turn off."

they all accepted the answer and moved on,   
"okay, Niall, you're turn."

"shit. okay, um, never have I ever slept with a girl."

all the other boys were grossed out, but Niall and Liam took a shot, and Louis spoke up.  
"oh, Liam you put it in a vag?"

all the other boys laughed and Liam nodded,  
"it was really gross. I barely even made it through. it was a terrible way to lose my virginity."

they all laughed, and continued the game for a while, eating the pizza when it got there, and when it got to be two in the morning, Louis spoke up,  
"okay, last one, it's gonna be weird." everyone groaned and were weirded out because all of Louis' were weird.  
"okay, never have I ever gotten off about one- or more- of the guys in here. now what happens here stays here so you have to be honest or else I will call you out." Louis looked at Zayn, who was blushing and almost shaking, all of them pretty drunk. 

everyone's eyes were on each other's and Louis sighed, looking at Niall,  
"okay I'm just gonna be honest because fuck it and who's really gonna remember this tomorrow."   
he took the shot and shrugged and Niall blushed, taking it too.

Liam and Zayn's eyes were on each other's, Zayn's eyes pleading and Liam nodded and Zayn blushed, his breath hitching, and Liam took the shot and Louis' mouth dropped open and Zag whispered.  
"fuck it," and took the shot.

Liam smiled brightly at him and they looked away from each other.

Louis looked at Niall, mouthing,  
"I knew it." 

Niall laughed and the other boys blushed more fiercely.

Louis smiled,  
"we should go to bed."

Niall agreed,  
"yeah I'm going back to bed, Lou let's cuddle."

Louis smiled and got up,  
"Liam and Zee, you can take the couch, don't be too loud."

Zayn glared at him, knowing what he meant.

Niall chuckled,  
"yeah, it's a fold out couch, there's blankets in that cabinet."   
Niall pointed to a cabinet in the hallway, and Zayn and Liam nodded.

Zayn was worried because he could barely talk. he knew that with the amount of alcohol in him, he should not be talking to the boy that he likes.

Niall and Louis disappeared into Niall's room, talking about random shit, and Liam and Zayn got up and Liam walked over to the couch and pulled it out and it was about the size of a full sized bed.

Zayn peeled his eyes away from the way Liam's arms flexed, and walked over to the cabinet, pulling out a few black, soft blankets.

Liam spoke,  
"um you can sleep here and I can just sleep on the floor."

Zayn laughed,  
"no, I'll take the floor."

"no I won't let you do that, that'd be rude."

Zayn gulped,  
"okay then let's just share the bed."

Liam blushed,  
"you sure?"

Zayn nodded,  
"yeah it's uh- it's fine."

Liam smiled,  
"okay."

Liam walked over and turned off the lights since it was way too bright in there, and Liam paid attention to just how good Liam looked with the only light coming from the moon peeking in from the window in the kitchen.

Zayn moved forward and unfolding the blankets, laying them across the bed.

Liam got under the covers and Zayn got in there awkwardly, and Liam filled the silence.

"that game was very interesting."

Zayn chuckled, turning to him.  
"uh- yeah. I think I learned a lot that I didn't really need to."

Liam laughed,  
"yeah but uh- some things were good to learn about people."

Zayn blushed and just looked at them, searching Liam's features for an emotion, unable to find one.

"so Louis is pretty straightforward isn't he?"

Zayn laughed,  
"definitely not straight, but pretty forward."

Liam chuckled lowly and it made Zayn feel all tingly and warm, even though he was freezing.

Zayn was weirded out by how cold Niall's house was and he just tried to hold the blankets tighter but he was shivering.

"Zayn, you okay?"

Zayn nodded, frustrated at his shitty body heat,  
"yeah."

Liam grinned,  
"you cold again?"

Zayn tried to chuckle, but he just got chills,  
"no I'm uh- fine."

Liam smiled,  
"oh shut up, come here." 

he pulled Zayn forward, draping his arm over the shorter boy, Zayn's head against Liam's heart, hearing his quick heart beat.

"your heart is going fast."

Liam chuckled,  
"tends to do that when I'm nervous."

Zayn blushed,  
"and why are you nervous?"

Liam bit his lip,  
"let's just try to get to sleep. are you warmer?"

Zayn chuckled,  
"definitely."

Zayn intertwined their legs and after several minutes, Liam's heartbeat slowed and they both went to sleep.


	8. chapter eight

Zayn's mind was scattering and feeling confused and overwhelmed.

he was particularly confused by the fact that he had woken up in Liam's arms.

it should have been uncomfortable and full of frantic heart beats and quick movements, but instead it was a feeling that made Zayn feel safe and protected, which is something that he hadn't truly experienced until that moment. 

Zayn had remembered the way Liam smelled the smell of a night full if alcohol, which was obvious, but there was this sweet, yet tough smell radiating from Liam's body with the heat that broke through the thin material of his tshirt.   
Zayn realized that this smell must just be Liam's smell.

Zayn woke up blushing, and he felt dumb but he didn't really care.

he took in Liam's smell and he breathed in the boys' warmth.

it hadn't been weird when he woke up and it wasn't weird when Liam had woken up and kissed Zayn on the top of his head and muttered "good morning," in such a way that somehow made Zayn's whole existence flutter.

Zayn remembered feeling all light and way too infatuated with Liam, that he felt as if he could pass out if he got up from where he was.

Zayn disobeyed his thoughts and proceeded to untangle his limbs from Liam's, but he was yanked back into the bed by a strong force, landing in the odd position of Zayn's laying face up, his back resting on Liam's stomach and both of the boys laughed, Liam speaking softly,  
"I'm not letting you get up."

Zayn chuckled and halfheartedly whined.  
"well, isn't that rude?"

Liam chuckled lowly,  
"I don't know. is it?"

Zayn blushed at Liam's words, before quickly turning over, laying directly on top of Liam.

Liam's eyes changed.

he visibly gulped and for the first time, Zayn felt like he was in control.

Zayn kept Liam's intense gaze, sitting up and straddling Liam's hips.

Liam searched Zayn's features, paying attention to just how hesitant he seemed with his movements.

Zayn's hands were on Liam's stomach from when he sat up and their eyes were still locked, Liam's hands at his sides, captivated by Zayn's dark eyes and sharp features.

Zayn slowly caressed Liam's torso, his hands running down and stopping right at Liam's waistband, the room seeming steamy and hot.

Liam was completely overwhelmed, his jeans beginning to feel tight.

"Zayn, I-"

Zayn shushed him and Liam obeyed, his lips tight.

Zayn pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, biting so hard that he began to taste blood, but he couldn't stop because this moment made him feel so perplexed, that he didn't know what to do.

Liam decided that he had to touch Zayn.

with reluctant hands, he moved, setting his hands on Zayn's thin thighs, looking into the raven haired boys' eyes for confirmation, who just looked pleading.

Liam just took a deep breath, moving his hands up, Zayn's breath hitching above him.

Zayn's thin fingers curled around Liam's waistband, somehow pushing his hips down, making Liam let out a whimper.

"well turn me over and fuck me twice. what do we have here?"

Zayn groaned at the sound of Louis' voice, jumping off of Liam and laying down, hiding his flushed cheeks against the bed.

Liam stayed silent, probably glaring as Niall walked out, Louis obviously whispering it to Niall, who laughed.

Liam rolled his eyes,  
"let's just get some fucking breakfast."


	9. chapter nine

Zayn was a mess.

during breakfast, he felt Liam's intense gaze on him, but he couldn't look up because he was feeling so weak.

Zayn felt this overwhelming force of heat in the room, and he knows that it's just in his head.

what happened this morning wasn't normal...  
it was this moment that obviously left both of the boys very confused. 

Zayn was ecstatic that it happened, but he was worried that there would never be more- that it would be this unspoken of event that left both of the boys breathless. it would be like this subject that was completely taking over their minds, but they didn't want to show it. he knew that it would make them distance themselves and be uncomfortable.

Zayn wondered what would have happened if they hadn't been interrupted. 

what would have happened?

would Zayn have been able to feel those thin, irresistible lips on his?

would he have had the privilege of feeling Liam's soft, warm skin on his, Liam weighing Zayn down?

would he have continued to hear whimpers like the ones that Liam had let escape his mouth that morning?

would he be able to feel Liam's length inside of him and-

nonono.

Zayn whimpered out loud and put his head down while he ate, trying to ignore the tightness in his restraining jeans.

Liam was sitting next to him and he leaned over by Zayn's ear, his breath hot,  
"you okay?"

Zayn shuttered, nodding slowly.

when Liam spoke again, Zayn was trying not to pass out,  
"let me know if you need anything."

anything. 

really? 

there were so many things that Zayn needed.

Zayn pulled his lip in between his teeth, staring down at the table.

he felt Liam's gaze on him again, burning Zayn's sensitive skin with his eyes.

Zayn began to sweat through his clothes, his heart pounding in his chest.

Zayn took a deep breath, looking up and seeing all of the other boys looking at him and quickly turning away.

Zayn rolled his eyes and finished his eggs, walking into the kitchen and putting his plate in the sink, then feeling a broad chest on his back and Liam was reaching around him to set his in as well and then pulling away, still standing where he was.

Zayn's small figure turned around, his eyes level with Liam's mouth and he stared at the beautiful lips before darting his eyes up into the deep shade of Liam's eyes.

Zayn bit his lip and quickly moved around Liam, who was smiling down at him nervously, and Zayn was a weak mess.

Zayn was so attracted to the boy, that it must be unhealthy.


	10. chapter ten

every moment that Liam and Zayn spent together was like this:

Liam would notice how quiet Zayn was, and he'd ask if he was okay, and Zayn would try to make sure that he answered quickly and to not be awkward.

this was beyond difficult because honestly, this was crazy.

that morning, Zayn discovered that Liam liked him back, so now it's just this terrifying unknown of when something could happen between them.

Zayn never even got to kiss the boy. 

he didn't get to experience that wrong- but so very right- feeling that was produced from the joining of the lips, because he knows that it would be spectacular.

Zayn's afraid that he's overthinking it; that it's not going to be as amazing as it seems, and Zayn will like what happens, but it won't be all that he imagined it to be.

but for some strange reason, he can't let those thoughts change his mind.   
for some overwhelmingly, powerful reason, he thinks that it will be just as good.

Liam is the hottest and sexiest person that Zayn has ever come in contact with, because wow, but besides that...

Liam is so open minded and caring and just so curious about others. his smile isn't the true reason that he lights up a room-it does have an effect of course- but it's his smile, his eyes- oh those eyes. Zayn will never be able to adjust how beautiful and captivating they are. his eyes are just so damn kind that it's hard to resist. it's also his soul that tends to light up the room. his soul-which is inside of him of course, somehow finds a way to brighten everything and make everyone feel comfortable. 

Zayn knows that he's in way too deep with this boy, but he can't stop himself. 

Liam is irresistible.

•••

the next day, Zayn insisted on going home.

the constant stress and sweating from all of the hot and overwhelming tension, must really be taking a toll on his brain, and chances are, his body odor is affected too. 

so Zayn drives home.

it feels dreadfully long and it leaves him with way too many thoughts then he can handle.

his window is rolled down as he holds his soothing cigarette out the window, periodically taking drags when the wind isn't too bad.   
the music blasts, ringing through his ears and filling up the pieces of him that are confused and somehow missing.

when Zayn reaches his destination, he turns off the car and gets out, sighing I'm relief at how he can take a deep breath.

•••

when he woke up, he was looking forward to seeing Liam.

it had felt like the constant tension had been bad for Zayn, but for some reason he misses that too.

he misses how Liam's smile can make Zayn shudder.  
how Liam's gentle but firm touches make him feel safe.

he misses the heat, the stress and everything in between.

the torture of being so sexually frustrated is like a drug.

Liam is a drug and Zayn can feel himself becoming addicted.

so Zayn gets ready quickly, wearing a white tshirt and black jeans, nervously combing through his hair, staring at his appearance way too long.

Zayn stormed out of his bathroom, way too many emotions flowing through his veins for him to manage.

Zayn grabbed everything he needed for school, including his thick leather jacket, drinking his warm coffee on the way to school. 

Zayn arrived at the big building, sighing as he got out of the car, the frigid air taking over his lungs, making his body become numb as he took his regular position, leaning up against the building, smoking a cigarette to keep himself sane.

he cerebrated how the conversation would go if Liam was to bring up what happened over the weekend.

they didn't kiss and nothing truly sexual happened, but there was... tension.

what happened wasn't considered normal; it's not what friends do.

it's what people that are attracted to each other, do.

Zayn knew that he was attracted to Liam, but did this mean that Liam was attracted to him too?

Zayn's thoughts were interrupted by Liam's car driving up.

when Liam stepped out of the car, he was in a black hoodie and jeans, his cheeks red, due to the cold. 

Zayn's heart started to race and he took another drag of his cigarette, making the nicotine flow through his blood and burn his lungs in a sinfully beautiful way. 

Liam walked up to him, giving him a hug and smiling at him with bright eyes as they pulled away.

damn, those eyes.

Liam uttered,  
"you smell nice," and Zayn chuckled.

"I smell like cigarettes." 

Liam grinned at him,  
"and coffee- I like it."

Zayn lightly chuckled and bit his lip, he sucked at being social.

they chatted for several minutes, Zayn noticing that Liam's kind eyes would follow the movements of Zayn's lips every time he took a drag.

when the bell rung, Zayn really didn't want to leave the thick and steamy air, but they went their separate ways.

Zayn was left unsure if he was glad that they hadn't talked about that morning full of hesitant movements and deep eye contact.


	11. chapter eleven

at lunch that day, the tension was high, but it was covered up by Louis' jokes and Niall's laugh.

Zayn had stared down at the table, still hot from the heat radiating off of Liam's thigh that was pressed hard against his.

Liam seemed invested in the conversation at the table, and Zayn's heart was racing and he was baffled by the fact that Liam could be this calm. 

Zayn was just so attracted to the boy that it was pathetic and embarrassing. 

Zayn had his lip in between his teeth, nodding along when he could tell that a sentence was said, but the noise in his ears was like he was underwater.   
he heard murmurs of talking and laughing, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. 

Zayn took a deep breath to relieve stress, but it didn't work.

Zayn was pulled from his state of foggy-ness and numbness when Liam softly nudged his shoulder and Zayn's mind was taken into a deafening sense of clarity.

Liam's lips moved into the words of,  
"are you mad at me?"

Zayn thought,   
I'm mad that I can't kiss you right now.

Zayn shook his head, managing to mouth,  
"of course not." 

he tried to smile assuringly, but it seemed way too forced.

Liam nodded and squeezed Zayn's knee with comfort and Zayn's skin seemed to catch on fire at the contact.

Zayn bit his lip and took a chip from Liam's plate, looking away to try to cool down.

this was beyond ridiculous, but he didn't know how to stop it.

he wanted to just kiss the hell out of Liam and touch every inch of his body, but he felt like he couldn't see where things could go between them, since he really didn't want to mess up what they did have now.

besides the various sexual things that he wanted to do, he also wanted to tell Liam how much he loved his eyes, and how lovely he made Zayn feel. 

he wanted to tell Liam how great of a person he was. he knows that Liam would blush and laugh it off, but Zayn just wants him to know how great he is. 

•••

lunch ended and they went to class.

Zayn sat in class, trying to pay attention to the lecture without picturing broad shoulders and kissable lips.

moments later, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and he dreaded texting in this class but it always seemed to work that way.

it was from Louis...

of course.

What's up your ass?

Zayn was half amused and half perplexed.

what?

oh I'm sorry, maybe I should say, what needs to be up your ass?

Zayn rolled his eyes, but continued to blush scarlet.

Louis. wtf are you talking about ??

he received a message seconds later,

Liam. you're acting all weird and uncomfortable. are you just really horny around him, or are you guys fighting?

Zayn blushed an even darker shade of red.  
is it that obvious?

is what obvious?

Zayn sighed,  
that I'm so attracted to him. 

AKA: HORNY.

Zayn blushed,  
shut up, you dick.

whatever. but you guys should talk about this, because he seems weird about it too.

Zayn's eyebrows furrowed.  
really?

he could picture Louis rolling his eyes.  
ofc, dumbass. he's totally off.

I'll text you later. Idk about talking to him though. bye xx

bye.

Zayn had a lot to think about. 

•••

Throughout the rest of the day, Zayn couldn't stop thinking.

he knew that he should talk to Liam about them, but it was just way too nerve racking.

Zayn's heart started beating fast every time he thought about it. 

Zayn knew that he was being melodramatic, but he couldn't help it. Liam did that to you...  
he made you smile and laugh and so warm. he made you actually feel safe and protected and worth something.  
it was ridiculous how much Liam affecting Zayn's daily life, since he'd only known him for about two months, but it was hard to remember the time before him. 

Zayn knew that he should be the one to talk about what happened, but as he thinks about it more, he just wants more and more for Liam to start the conversation. 

by now, he knew that Liam was at least a little interested in Zayn, but he was still afraid of rejection.

this is just so complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS SHORT CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO GABE (aka @/metlifeliam on twitter) BC HE INSPIRED ME TO WRITE THIS AND HE'S GREAT AH


	12. chapter twelve- wow

after another full week of this torture, Zayn knew it had to stop.

his lips were sore from biting them so often, his legs sore from the constant nervous tapping of his knee, his brain jumbled from all of the racing thoughts.

•••

on the next friday, Zayn texted Liam.

hey, wanna go to the park after school?

he got a reply back a few minutes later.

of course. I'll meet you there. :)

as soon as Zayn read the message, he began thinking of what he could say and how he could start the conversation. 

•••

as his pencil tapped and the clock ticked in the last hour of the day, Zayn was flooded with hectic thoughts and he didn't know how to process them.

he wanted, no- needed to have this discussion, but he truly didn't know how to.

so as he still didn't conjure what to say, the bell rang and his heart sped up and his legs moved quickly to get out of his seat and stride outside, his eyes drying from the cold wind and the inconstant blinking.

Zayn felt hopeless as he got into his car, resting his forearms on his steering wheel and groaning loudly, surprisingly loosening the tight knot buried deep within his stomach.

once Zayn gathered his thoughts, he sighed softly and lifted his head, his eyes adjusting to the brightness once again as he turned on his music. blaring; the rhythms encompassing his ears as he started the car and proceeded to drive, using his windshield wipers to clean the foggy mess of his windshield from the cold.

the drive was way too fast for Zayn, and he goes through a million thoughts as he sees Liam's car in front of the park.

so Zayn parks his car and gets out, to see that Liam had spotted him and had jogged over to where he was.

Liam have Zayn a quick hug, only warming Zayn up momentarily. The contact alone made Zayn flush red. 

they said their greetings and Zayn started walking, Liam going up beside him as they walked the path that they had walked a few times before.

Zayn was still trying to process why he even chose to do this because it seemed like torture, but Liam broke the silence.  
"I was really surprised that you wanted to hang out."

Zayn was incredibly confused and sad that Liam could think that about him.   
"why?"

Liam's hands resting in the pocket of his hoodie as he spoke, his nose red from the cold.  
"well- you were acting kind of strange and I guess I just- I guess I thought that you wanted to tell me that we shouldn't be friends anymore or something." he looked away, a nervous chuckle escaping. "It sounds stupid now- I don't know."

Zayn bit his lip again, full of self-frustration.  
"Li. it doesn't sound stupid."

Liam stopped walking and Zayn copied his movements facing him.  
"wait, so you don't wanna be friends anymore."

Zayn laughed out of frustration.  
"of course that's not what I want! I just- okay I'm just gonna talk about this because I can't do this."

Liam's eyes looked sympathetic as his hand ran down Zayn's arm until it hit his wrist, identical to the way it did that day they met.  
"what's wrong? please tell me."

Zayn shuddered and nodded.  
"okay. I just- okay- fuck. okay. ever since you came into the comic book store that day I've had a huge crush on you and I feel like a complete idiot telling you this and I'm sorry." 

Liam's face was shocked and he just stared in awe at Zayn, who just shrieked away at the look, feeling weak.

when Liam didn't say anything, Zayn's eyes became glossy as he spoke.  
"I'm sorry, Liam. fuck- I didn't mean to mess this up but you drive me absolutely insane and I couldn't bear the thought of preventing something from like- happening between us. I'm sorry- shit I'm sorry." a few tears fell from Zayn's eyes as he felt even more weak. "I'm just gonna go."

Zayn started walking and he heard his name but he kept walking because he didn't want Liam's sympathy. 

soon he felt a strong hand on his wrist, stopping in his place.

Liam's eyes were locked on Zayn's and he bent down, his body a magnet as Zayn made the gap in between their bodies smaller as Liam's eyes searched Zayn's trembling features.

Zayn bit his lip and Liam spoke up,  
"don't go."

Zayn nodded and whispered,  
"okay."

Liam's hand that wasn't holding into Zayn's wrist loosely, moved up to cup Zayn's face, his thumb rubbing against Zayn's cheek. 

Zayn's heart was racing and his hands were shaking at his sides.

Zayn started to speak but only stutters came out.

Liam shushed him and seemed to think and think. 

Zayn was sweating through his clothes and the heat focused on his wrist and cheek was becoming quite intense.

then it was quick.  
Liam moved forward and softly pressed their lips together.

Zayn froze for a moment when he realized Liam's kissing me.

but then he reacted and wow. the kiss was nervous and hesitant, but wow.

Zayn had always thought that he was overestimating how it would feel to kiss the tall boy, but he wasn't at all.

the warmth that was in his wrist and his cheek, is now spread throughout his entire body and creating a spark that ignites a fire, causing Zayn to grab onto Liam's hoodie and pull him closer as the kiss deepened. Liam's tongue explored Zayn's mouth and Zayn knew that his mouth tasted like cigarettes and he felt bad, but Liam didn't seem to complain as he pulled Zayn's body closer, Zayn's legs melting into Liam's.

Liam bit Zayn's lip as his hand went to Zayn's hip, causing the raven haired boy to whimper.

Liam hummed against Zayn's lips and pulled away for a moment and Zayn's eyes shot open, as weak as ever.

Zayn felt light headed and overwhelmed.

Liam moved in and kissed Zayn once more and Zayn shamelessly hummed against his lips because wow Liam was hot, and wow his lips were beautifully chapped.

Liam pulled away completely and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

Zayn looked around and saw old ladies frowning at them and he smiled, nudging Liam who looked over and saw the ladies, his head thrown back in laughter in a gorgeous way.

Zayn took a deep breath, a smile plastered onto his lips as the warmth maintained in his body from the contact with Liam.

Liam looked away for a moment and they continued on the path, Zayn biting his lip to try to control his smile.

Liam coughed to fill the silence and Zayn was trying not to laugh at the situation.

Zayn spoke up to save the situation.  
"I uh- I think I should go into work to get some extra hours on my paycheck."

Liam nodded,  
"okay. well I'll see you on Monday, I guess."

Zayn smiled nervously and nodded.  
"see you then."

Zayn started walking away and he could tell that Liam's eyes were on him because he still felt hot all over, only calming down when he reached his car.

when he sat down and the music started playing through his speakers, it hit him.

Liam kissed him...

wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY KISSED OMG I FEEL SATISFIED BUT WAS IT TOO SOON?!


	13. chapter thirteen

the weekend was long, and Zayn was confused.

he put in as many hours for work as long as he could to try to get his mind off of the fact that Liam kissed him, but it was a mess.

Zayn couldn't figure anything out.

he knew that he should be trying to get his mind off of Liam, but he really didn't want to.

Liam's lips were so sweet and the kiss was tender and beautiful. it sounds ridiculous but it wasn't. it was perfect. 

Zayn didn't want to face the fact that everything would go back to normal on Monday, because that was a huge possibility. he didn't know what would happen. it could be like it was before but way worse, because they crossed a line that was so scary. but then again, it could be better because the tension is lessened.

Zayn knew that it would be a mess either way, and he was a mess.

•••

on Monday morning, Zayn wanted to scream, cry, and smile.

he had so many emotions that went throughout his body. he was happy that Liam kissed him, but he was sad that it could never get farther, and he was frustrated that everything was such a mess.

he wanted to do everything possible with Liam, but he didn't want things to screw up between them. he couldn't lose another friend. he was becoming quite close with the boy, and he felt so overwhelmed and ridiculous.

this is so stupid and confusing and Zayn hates this. 

Zayn wants to feel hot and overwhelmed around Liam like he always does, but have it lead to somewhere instead of just feeling like a complete idiot. he wants so badly to feel Liam's lips again, and taste every bit of Liam's mouth but- no.

he doesn't know what will happen when he sees him at the school. he doesn't know how Liam will be behave. he doesn't want it to be awkward, but he knows that it will be.

•••

on monday morning, Zayn was fidgety and his mind was deluged with emotions. 

Zayn got ready, taking a cold shower to wake himself up, drinking his coffee too fast, burning his throat and spitting some of it out in his car.

he felt like a train wreck.

Zayn groaned and put his cup down as began driving.

his eyes burned from all of the worrying that he had been up doing all night.

this can't be good for his health. 

Zayn pulled into the dull parking lot, pulling into his usual space before stepping out and grabbing his ratty box of cigarettes, placing one in between his lips as he walked up to the school, leaning against the wall.

Zayn lit the cigarette, inhaling and letting it burn his throat, part of his stress melting away as the feeling soaked into his veins.

moments later, Liam's car pulled into it's place, and Liam stepped out of the car wearing a long sleeved black shirt with his light jeans, causing Zayn to stare at the way his body looked as he walked up to the raven haired boy.

Zayn took a deep breath, trying to act normal.  
"hey, Li."

Liam smiled and opened his arms as he walked up to the boy.

Liam's lips were against Zayn's ear as he whispered,  
"hi."

Zayn felt chills up and down his spine and he shuddered as they pulled away, leaving Zayn cold once again.

Liam sat on the wall right across from Zayn, who was taking slow drags from his cigarette as they spoke, obviously trying to avoid any talk about what had happened between them that day.

"so, how was your weekend?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"it was alright. it was kinda boring I guess. I worked overtime at the store but that was all that was different."

Liam nodded,   
"that's cool. mine was boring too. I hung out with Niall for a little bit on Saturday, but then he had to rush off to a date somewhere."

Zayn chuckled,  
"typical."

Liam smiled widely, his whole face filled with kindness that Zayn couldn't grasp.

Zayn blushed as his mind went to when Liam had smiled after their kiss that day, and how red his cheeks had been as he smiled.

Zayn bit down on his lip and tried as hard as he could not to stare at the way Liam's lip had been in between his teeth as well, and it was just evil how his tongue peeked out to lick at the bitten part.

Zayn fought extremely hard when he was so drawn to looking at the way Liam's jeans hung low on his hips so effortlessly.

Zayn sighed and tried to distract himself by starting a conversation with the taller boy.  
"so uh, how are your classes going?"

Liam shrugged,  
"they're alright. I love the biology class I'm in, but the others I could do without. what's really- I don't know- is that I've told a few girls that I'm gay when they've hit on me. it's heartbreaking and almost hilarious to see their faces." Liam shook his head as he chuckled and Zayn smiled.

"that's really cool that you're being open about it," Zayn smiled softly.

Liam smiled,  
"are you open about it?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"well I wasn't at first but now I kind if have to be because several of the more popular people here actually went to my high school so like- they've told people. I don't really care anymore because I don't think it really matters I guess."

Liam nodded and his eyes softened for a moment and his cheeks heated up, and Zayn wondered if he had thought about the kiss too.

Zayn bit his lip as he finished his cigarette, the rest of the time feeling uncomfortable and hot around them, until they were released from the heat as the bell rang.

Zayn could tell that if he's with Liam more than this, then it will be a very long day.


	14. chapter fourteen

the next few days went similar to this and Zayn wanted to scream.

this repetitive tension and awkward hugs was getting quite ridiculous and Zayn just needed Liam to kiss him again.

Zayn was beyond sexually frustrated and he hated it.

•••

when Zayn was sitting at the desk at the comic book store, the bell on the door rang and his head snapped up.

Liam walked in with a smile spread across his face, and walked up to Zayn. 

Zayn held the dark pencil against the paper that he had been sketching on, and smiled back at Liam before speaking,  
"what are you doing here?"

Liam approached the desk and licked his lips as he spoke,  
"I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing." he scratched lazily at his hip, causing Zayn to gulp. "we haven't actually talked that much since- well just- uh we haven't really talked in a while."

Zayn nodded as his cheeks became warm, biting his lip at the memory. 

Liam smiled at Zayn and seemed to be thinking about it as well, his eyes focused on Zayn.

"yeah- well thanks for stopping by. I get off- I mean my shift ends in like ten minutes so we could like- hang out."

Liam nodded,  
"okay. is there anything that I could help you with?" his voice was low and he rested his arm on the desk.

Zayn's mind went through way too many scenarios of things that Liam could help him with, and he pressed so hard into the paper that his pencil broke.

Zayn just shook his head and cleared his throat before speaking, knowing that his cheeks were blushing.   
"no, I already did what I need to, I was just sketching."

Liam nodded,   
"would you mind if I take a look?"

Zayn shook his head,  
"go ahead. I'm not done though, so please don't judge me."

Liam laughed and walked around the desk, leaning over Zayn to observe what he had drawn.

Zayn could feel the heat radiating off of Liam's body, and Zayn was trying not to pass out.

"Zayn, this is so cool. I love how it looks so like- free."

Zayn blushed and smiled as he looked down,  
"thank you."

"I'm serious. you're really talented."

Zayn felt Liam's gaze and he turned towards the taller boy, anxiously looking up at him,  
"thanks."

Liam smiled down at him and seemed to get closer to the boy.

Zayn took a deep breath, breaking the eye contact before his cheeks burned off.

"uh- I'm just gonna go double check the back for anything else that I need to restock." 

Zayn knew that he had stocked everything that he needed to, but he just needed a minute to calm down.

"would you like any help?"

Zayn shook his head,  
"I'm good, thanks. I'll be right back."

Zayn even felt Liam's eyes on him as he walked to the back.

he opened the storage room and closed the door, sinking down with his back against the door.

Zayn groaned and held his head in his hands trying to control his breathing.

he is so attracted to Liam that it's just painful.

after a few minutes, Zayn slowly stood up, rubbing at his eyes with frustration and readjusting his clothes before opening the door and walking back out.

Liam smiled up at Zayn as he walked and Zayn checked the clock on the wall.  
"my shift's done." 

Liam smiled and spoke,  
"well what do you want to do?"

Zayn blushed and shrugged,  
"I'm not sure. I'll lock up and we'll decide from there."

"okay."

Zayn grabbed his set of keys and phone, putting his sketches in a drawer that the owner let's him use, before walking ahead and out the door, holding it open for Liam so that he could come out as well.

Zayn's small fingers put the key in the lock and turning it, before putting them inside his pocket.

Liam spoke up,  
"hey, could we take your car? I walked here."

Zayn furrowed his eyebrows,  
"of course. but don't you live far from here?"

Liam laughed,  
"well yeah, but I was out with Niall and I was about a mile away and I just decided to walk here."

Zayn nodded,  
"okay, let's go."

Liam smiled and follow Zayn to his car, them both slipping into the ratty seats.

Zayn turned to Liam,  
"how does coffee sound?"

Liam smiled,  
"really good."


	15. chapter fifteen

the coffee house was warm and inviting.

Zayn had come here before work once or twice since it was on his way, but Liam hadn't been here and he seemed to be comfortable with the place.

Liam walked up to the counter first, letting Zayn order his black coffee. Liam ended up getting tea. 

the sweet ginger behind the counter smiled,  
"and will that be for here or to go?"

Liam looked to Zayn,  
"I'm not sure, will that be for here or to go?" Liam repeated the question smiling and Zayn laughed.

"uh-let's just do to go just in case we decide to like- go somewhere."

the girl smiled and nodded, and in moments they were getting their drinks.

Liam insisted on paying and Zayn blushed, the pair grabbing their cups as they walked over to a little booth in the corner.

the dull light hung above them, causing Zayn to fall into a trance at the way Liam's lips looked. 

the beautiful pink of Zayn's lips was interrupted by the boy taking a sip of his tea, and Zayn quickly changed his glance to the ebony table that his own drink rested upon.

Zayn picked up his drink, the warm and strong taste slipping between his lips and calming him down as he felt Liam's burning gaze.

Zayn took a deep break as he forced himself to keep eye contact with the boy across from him and Liam looked nervous.

Zayn didn't want to talk about anything but he also didn't want to ignore the distress spread across Liam's face, so he spoke up,  
"you okay?"

Liam cleared his throat before he spoke,  
"yeah- I just- I'm good."

Zayn furrowed his eye brown,  
"please tell me what's going on. maybe I can help?"

Liam chuckled and blushed before he spoke again,  
"I just- I feel like we should talk about it."

Zayn blushed fiercely because wow, he wasn't prepared and wow, Liam's voice still managed to be soothing.

Zayn let a chuckle slip past his lips before he spoke,  
"uh.. a-about what?" his cheeks were crimson and Liam's eyes lit up, before he spoke.

he seemed uneasy,  
"I- just- I feel awful."

Zayn felt confusion overcome him,  
"what? why do you feel awful?"

Liam coughed and scratched at his forearm,  
"Zayn I kissed you- I'm so sorry."

Zayn was so confused.  
"what?"

"Zayn I feel awful. it was a mistake."

Zayn's heart dropped.  
it was a mistake?  
Liam kissed him and it was a mistake?  
Zayn's face totally changed and he couldn't help but slouch in his chair.

"I'm sorry, Zayn. please don't be mad at me."

Zayn bit his lip, trying not to let the tears prickling at his eyes slip.  
"why would I ever be mad at you?"

Liam looked around nervously, not making any eye contact,  
"because I ruined things."

Zayn was so confused,  
"what? you didn't ruin anything. I- I ruined everything."

Liam shook his head,  
"no- I assumed that since you admitted to having a crush on me, I thought that I could kiss you and everything would be okay and it ruined it."

Zayn sighed,  
"wait- so you only kissed me out of sympathy?"

Liam answered immediately,  
"no! from the day in the comic book I've been absolutely infatuated with everything you do and I just- fuck- I kissed you and I'm sorry."

Zayn chuckled,  
"I honestly still don't get why you're apologizing."

"I'm sor-"

"Liam. what are you talking about? I thought that you had decided that you didn't like me. I thought that it would be like- the elephant in the room. I just- ever since I left that day I have been wanting to kiss you again and it sounds so cheesy and awkward but I feel like we had something there. I just don't get why you are upset if you still have feelings for me."

Liam looked shocked and a smiled spread across his face, reaching his eyes and Zayn swears that the room lit up.  
"so you didn't stop liking me?"

Zayn laughed,  
"no. I tried, though."

Liam smiled,  
"so all of these times where I've wanted to just grab you and kiss you I could have?"

Zayn bit his lip and shifted at the thought,  
"yes."

"we literally wouldn't have stopped kissing."

Zayn blushed and took another drink of his coffee, feeling baffled.  
"I can't believe that we both wanted to kiss the entire time and I was too ignorant to just ask you."

Liam laughed,  
"you weren't ignorant. I could've asked too."

Zayn laughed,  
"that's true."

Liam blushed and stood up, Zayn staring up at him,  
"what'cha doin?"

Liam smiled,  
"let's go for a walk."

Zayn felt his cheeks darken as he stood up, abandoning his coffee cup for the hand that Liam outstretched for him.


	16. chapter sixteen

days passed...  
four fucking days, and Zayn and Liam still hadn't kissed again, and Zayn was terrified to make the first move, but he needed to kiss him.

however, every time he even thought about Liam, he blushed and fought the urge to smile because he liked him so much.

Zayn felt like he was a little kid with a pathetic crush, except his mind was way dirtier now, and he wanted to do everything remotely sexual with Liam, and being around the boy was so- hard.

•••

so, after school, he was walking to his car, thankful that he wasn't working today because he just needed to use his spare time to feel pity for the fact that Liam and him hadn't taken things to the next level.

"hey- Zayn, wait up!" Liam jogged over to him, and Zayn took a deep breath before turning around and smiling.

"hey."

Liam stood for a moment, his chest lightly rising from the running,  
"do you work today? I know it's a Friday."

Zayn shook his head,  
"not today, thankfully. why?"

Liam bit his lip,  
"uh- do you wanna hang out somewhere?"

Zayn smiled, gripping the strap on his back pack tightly, his nerves getting the better of him.  
"sure- where?"

Liam shrugged,  
"I don't know. Niall's off on a date somewhere and I have a feeling that he won't be back tonight and- I guess I just wanted company today."

Zayn smiled brightly, glad that he was somebody that Liam wanted to hang out with.  
"okay, well I'm free. do you wanna hang out at my flat just in case Niall comes back to the dorm to sleep?"

Liam nodded, his cheeks crimson.  
"that'd be cool."

Zayn nodded and motioned towards his car and Liam jogged around to the passenger side, waiting for Zayn to open his own door before Liam got in on the opposite side, not wanting to rush him.

Zayn turned on the radio, trying to fill any uncomfortable silences.

music filled the car and Zayn admired, from the corner of his eye, the way Liam tapped his fingertips against his knees.

Zayn started the car and slowly pulled out of the parking stall, driving forward and turning, making his way to his flat, hoping that it wasn't too cluttered.

•••

Zayn walked the slightest bit ahead of Liam, his body burning as he felt Liam's gaze on him.

Zayn slid his key into the door, unlocking it, the smell of coffee and his own cigarettes enveloping them as they walked in.

Liam chuckled beside him,  
"it smells like you."

Zayn blushed,  
"yeah- sorry."

Liam looked him in the eye,  
"no, no, no- I love it."

Zayn blushed even more fiercely, and Liam looked around the flat.

the furniture was practically all black, blankets draped on them. the walls were filled with graffiti, and Liam paid extra attention to it, loving how original and bright each and every design was.  
"I love these."

Zayn smiled and grabbed a few glasses of water, bringing them over and handing one to Liam.  
"thank you. the uh- the landlord is really cool. he said I can paint the walls as long as I paint them back to white if I move out."

Liam nodded and Zayn walked to a basket by his couch and grabbed out a deck of cards,  
"wanna play?"

Liam nodded and sat down, taking a drink before setting the glass of water on the table in front of him.

Zayn felt Liam's eyes on him once again as he shuffled the cards, his hands fast as he rearranged the deck, holding them and looking up at Liam,  
"what do you wanna play?"

Liam shrugged,  
"their your cards."

"your the guest," Zayn challenged, and Liam smirked.

"well, as the guest, what would you like to play, Zayn?" Liam's voice was scratchy and low and Zayn's lip was going to bleed from being bitten so often.

"I would play poker, but I don't have chips and that'd be kind of like- boring anyway. um..." Liam smiled at the fact that Zayn was actually concentrating on this, "the only actually fun card game is Slapjacks."

Liam spoke,  
"I have never even heard of that."

Zayn laughed,  
"how have you not heard of that?"

Liam smiled,  
"don't judge me, baby."

Zayn's heart started to race at the nickname and he felt like he was bright red.

"so how do you play this game?"

Zayn snapped back,  
"oh- right. okay, so we each get half of the deck, and we both put one down at the same time, and if it's a jack, you slap the pile, and get the cards that were in it. so- you lose when you run out of cards."

Liam smiled,  
"okay."

Zayn split the deck evenly, handing Liam his part of it. when Liam took the deck out of Zayn's hands, Zayn internally groaned at how small the cards looked in his hands.

Liam stared back at Zayn and when Zayn felt the burn of his own skin through his clothes, he broke the contact and spoke,  
"ready?"

Liam hummed and they started playing.

when a Jack showed up in the pile, Zayn immediately threw his hand down on the pile and Liam lightly set his hand there afterward.

Zayn grabbed the pile and pouted,   
"you didn't even try!"

Liam briefly held his arms up in defense,  
"yes I did!"

Zayn scowled, trying not to laugh,  
"you totally could've won that."

Liam chuckled,  
"I don't want to hurt you."

Zayn blushed,  
"Li- as long as you don't hit me in the face, I won't care how hard you hit the deck."

Liam nodded and Zayn was so overwhelmed by how much he liked the boy, he was so, so sweet.

they played countless more times, and Liam won one time, due to the fact that Zayn spaced out staring at the boys' lips, but he'd never admit that.

the last time they played though, Liam didn't even move his hand. he just stared at the way Zayn scrambled to hit the deck.

Zayn growled,  
"you totally didn't try that time!"

Liam sighed,  
"I- I totally tried!"

"you aren't going to hurt me- you realize that, right?"

Liam sighed,  
"I know that! that's why I tried."

Zayn was feeling confident and he moved forward, playfully shoving Liam's shoulders down, his back hitting the couch,  
"no you didn't."

Liam smirked and sat up immediately, cards falling everywhere.  
he chuckled and quickly snapped his hands forward. his palms laid flat against the arm of the couch, and he moved forward so that his face was mere centimeters from Zayn.  
"yes I did."

Zayn felt vulnerable and was overwhelmed at how Liam dominated him so well.  
"no you didn't, you- you let me win."

Liam took a deep breath,  
"I didn't let you win, Zayn."

Zayn's eyes were drawn together with nervousness, and he tried to calm down.

Liam then spoke again, his breath hot above Zayn's lips,  
"I got distracted, baby."

Zayn's breath hitched and Liam hummed.  
he moved even closer, to the point where if they moved the slightest bit, their lips would touch.

Liam gulped,  
"this okay?"

Zayn only looked at him pleadingly, nodding the slightest bit and Liam groaned and connected their lips.

Zayn whimpered because- finally.  
finally, he was able to feel that again. the feeling was more than just hot, it was sweet and hesitant but also so strong. the kiss was frantic and warm and overwhelming. Zayn instinctively bit Liam's lip, and he let out a light moan.  
Liam pulled away for a moment to catch his breath and Zayn couldn't resist from speaking,  
"fuck, I've missed that."

Liam hummed and brought his hand down to slide it into Zayn's hair,  
"you have no idea how much I agree with you."

Zayn lifted his head up to capture Liam's lips in another kiss and this time it wasn't nervous, it was just so good. 

the kiss continued and Zayn was a mess. Liam groaned and moved down Zayn's body, biting softly at the skin on Zayn's neck. soon, he placed kisses all over him, and then he began sucking beautiful patches of purple marks.   
that was Zayn's weak spot, and he moaned, wrapping his legs around Liam's waist.  
"fuck, Liam."

Liam kissed there again before sliding back up, the whole room on fire as he proceeded to kiss Zayn again.

Liam involuntarily pushed his hips down into Zayn's, and they both whined in pleasure, gripping at each other's bodies.

after several more moments, it was way too heated and Zayn's hands were in Liam's short hair, and Liam's thumbs were pressing so hard into Zayn's hipbones that bruises could be made, and they were just a mess.

"Li- fuck. we aren't even- we should stop."

Liam pulled off completely,  
"yeah. I'm sorry I didn't- I didn't mean to-"

Zayn shushed him with a peck on the lips,  
"you didn't do anything wrong- at all, trust me. I just think that we should stop."

Liam nodded and they studied each other and laughed at how utterly wrecked they were.


	17. chapter seventeen

it had been too late in the day for Liam to go home, so he just decided to stay over, and they had watched spiderman until they fell asleep on the couch.

when Zayn woke up in the morning, all of if came flashing back as he looked up to the boy that his own head had been resting on for the night. he thought of the talking, the kissing, the love biting on his neck, the grinding, and the sounds that Liam made at the effect of this and he realized that he's a mess.

he needed to reassure himself that he wouldn't let their make out session prevent them from kissing again for who knows how long? so... this is what caused Zayn to ignore how shaky his hands were, and sit up on his knees. he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss upon Liam's cheek, and it caused the boy to wake up.

Zayn hoped he didn't make a mistake, but knew that he hadn't when Liam spoke,  
"you are so adorable- come here."

Zayn bit his lip, slowly moving forward and Liam chuckled, grabbing Zayn's waist and lifting him, moving him so that he was sat atop Liam's lap. they were face to face and Zayn talked,  
"I didn't expect you to act this exact way."

Liam laughed,  
"I'm quite cuddly in the mornings." he brought his hand up to Zayn's face, rubbing a circle onto Zayn's jawline with his thumb.

Zayn blushed and the heat spreading through his cheek was ridiculous and he lost the ability to remain confident.  
"kiss me, Liam."

Liam obliged immediately and their lips met in the softest ways, and Zayn felt so vulnerable as he melted into it, setting his hands on Liam's stomach, his small finger pads pressing there as the kiss continued.

when they pulled away, Liam rubbed Zayn's hipbone,  
"do you work today?"

Zayn groaned,  
"fuck, I forgot. what time is it?"

Liam picked up his phone and checked the time before answering,  
"9:42."

Zayn nodded,  
"I go in at 1."

Liam pouted and kissed Zayn, before lifting him off of himself,  
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." he pecked Zayn on the cheek once again, before heading into the hallway.

Zayn smiled like an idiot, standing up and going into the kitchen.

•••

when Liam appeared from the bathroom, Zayn was starting to make pancakes. Liam jogged into the kitchen,  
"want any help?"

Zayn smiled,  
"uh, could you grab a few plates and cups from the cabinet next to you?"

Liam nodded and did what Zayn asked of him, and in fifteen minutes time, they were sitting at Zayn's table eating.  
Zayn had picked on Liam for the amount of cool whip he added. in the end, Zayn decided that it was adorable how sweet and simple he was, considering how strong and muscular he was.  
it honestly freaked Zayn out exactly how amazing Liam was.  
for some reason, the simple situation that they were in, made Zayn feel so hopeful. he realized how nice it would be, if the rest of his life was like this. it scared him how exciting that thought was.

"Zayn, you okay?"  
Liam's voice was worried and he tapped the back of Zayn's palm.

"yeah- sorry. I spaced out."

Liam smiled,  
"it's okay. so what do you want to do before you work?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"I don't care. let's just hang out all day."

•••

when it was time to go to Zayn's work, they ended up leaving late, so Liam insisted that he could just walk home from the store since it was closer to the dorms than Zayn's flat was in walking time.  
Zayn felt awful doing this though, because it was extremely cold and windy, and he didn't want Liam to catch a cold, but Liam insisted that Zayn should be on time for work.

when they arrived at Zayn's building, Liam got out of the car as well, running to the driver's side right as Zayn stood up.

Zayn looked at him, puzzled, a soft smile on his face. Liam then kissed Zayn, pushing him against his car, making the cold atmosphere turn into a burning whirlwind of heat. Zayn seemed to melt into the car, only pulled back from it when Liam held on tightly to his hip, pulling him closer, their lips moving in sync for several moments.  
they pulled away blushing and Liam laughed,  
"well I'll see you later."

Zayn nodded a little too quickly, his hands shaky as Liam walked away from him. he chuckled to himself, knowing that he was in way too deep.

•••

the next day, Zayn had slept in, due to the fact that he didn't work, and he wanted to do something.

as he was sitting at his table sketching, he pulled his phone from his pocket and texted Louis because he had a lot to tell him about Liam:

are you busy today?

he got a response back shortly,

unfortunately, I am. I have this paper that I have to write and if I don't get it done, I'll fail the class.

zayn sighed and typed back a quick response,

okay, have fun.

the only reason that Zayn hadn't texted Liam first, was because he didn't want to seem desperate. moments later, he came to the conclusion that he was desperate, and he assumed that Liam already knew that. so he sent a text to Liam:

I know we've hung out a bunch lately, but do you wanna hang out today?

there was a response shortly after:

don't hate me.

Zayn was confused,

what happened?

the response was immediate:

you we're right yesterday. I think I'm catching a cold. I can't stop coughing and I feel like shit.

Zayn immediately felt guilty for letting him walk home,

fuck, okay. is Niall there to take care of you?

no. he went to visit his parents for a couple days.

Zayn answered without even thinking about it,

I'm coming over to take care of you.


	18. chapter eighteen

Zayn didn't know as to why he felt so obligated to care for Liam if he was sick.  
most people would have ignored the fact that Liam was sick.  
yet for some reason, Zayn wanted to take care of him. he couldn't just let Liam feel sick and be alone.

Zayn then found himself driving to a small restaurant, ordering a bowl of chicken noodle soup and taking it to go. Zayn didn't have much money with him, so he didn't get anything for himself. he was only able to pick up the soup and some cough drops at the drug store down the street from the restaurant.

Zayn was in a rush the entire time, hating that Liam was alone.  
he knew, by what Liam said, that he wasn't too sick yet, but he knew that Liam wouldn't complain about his health.

Zayn rolled his window down, letting the brisk air blow into his car and redden the tip of his nose, soothing his nerves. he loved hanging out with Liam, honestly. however, he hated everything leading up to spending time with him and the time afterward. Zayn loves to cuddle, kiss, and talk to Liam, but when he thinks about it, he gets so nervous that he wants to back out of it. Zayn hates that he feels so vulnerable around Liam, but somehow he likes how protected he feels.

Zayn drove over to the dorms, making his way inside of the building. one hand was overheated by the soup bowl, and the other hand was wrapped around the bag of cough drops. he found Liam and Niall's room, using his elbow to create an awkward knock on the door.

he heard a scratchy,  
"who is it?" from inside and he felt awful for the boy.

"babe, it's Zayn."

"come in."

Zayn bent down, opening the door with his arm, making a groan for the effort.

when Zayn made his way into the dorm, he saw Liam and he smiled out of fondness.

the huge boy with muscles sat atop his bed with a white comforter wrapped around his shoulders. his eyes were bloodshot and he had a pile of tissues at his side. Liam sniffled and Zayn cooed, setting the items he held on a desk against the wall, closing the door behind himself.

Zayn walked to the bed on which Liam was sitting, frowning and sitting beside him, wrapping an arm around him.  
"how are you feeling?"

Liam shrugged,  
"I've been better."

Zayn hummed and rubbed Liam's arm with his fingertips.  
"I brought you soup and cough drops."

Liam smiled beside him,  
"Zayn- you didn't have to do that."

the shorter boy blushed,  
"yes I did."

the boy chuckled by him, and then winced, grabbing his throat.

Zayn spoke,  
"sore?"

Liam nodded and Zayn jumped up from the bed, grabbing the bag of cough drops, tearing open the seal and opening the bag, handing one to Liam.

"you're so great. thank you."

Zayn blushed again, and was amazed at how attractive Liam was, even when he was a mess.

Liam spoke again,  
"it's a shame."

Zayn looked over at him,  
"what is?"

Liam pouted,  
"that you have to see me like this."

Zayn chuckled and talked what was on his mind before he could stop himself,  
"no- what's a shame is that I can't kiss you when you're sick."

Liam's eyes softened,  
"there is no m that you'd wanna kiss me when I look like this."  
ioooooooo  
Zayn shook his head,  
"you're wrong."

Liam chuckled and now both of the boys were blushing.

Liam yawned and ended it with a rough cough that left him with a pained expression.

"do you want to lay down?"

Liam shook his head,  
"I cough more when I lay down."

Zayn nodded and was silent for a moment before getting up, adjusting Liam's pillows so that they stood up against Liam's wall, then scurried over to Niall's bed. he grabbed one more pillow from there, bringing it to the bed, and then fluffing them.  
"scoot back, that way you can relax without having to lay down."

Liam smiled at Zayn for a moment, the bags under his eyes becoming more prominent. 

Liam dropped the comforter that was around his shoulders, standing up with wobbly legs and walking to the head of the bed, sitting down and mumbling about how he was lightheaded.

Liam situated against the pillows, resting his head back against the wall, an audible sigh falling from his lips.  
"thank you."

Zayn hummed and moved to sit in front of him, staring at his peaceful figure. he couldn't help but be mesmerized with the beauty that Liam maintained to hold even with his state of health.

Liam chuckled,  
"you might want to blink."

Zayn instantly pulled his eyes away, blushing fiercely.  
"s-sorry."

•••

after a while, Zayn convinced Liam to eat the soup, and Liam confessed that it really helped his throat.

Liam kept trying to convince Zayn that he wasn't tired, but he kept dosing off.  
"Liam- please just go to sleep. we can like- cuddle, okay?"

Liam sighed,  
"should we technically be cuddling, though? I really don't want you to get sick."

Zayn chuckled,  
"I have a strong immune system- and even if I didn't, we don't get to make out... so I'm going to lay with you."

Liam's cheeks seemed to darken,  
"okay."

Liam's eyes were heavy from the cold medicine, but his throat had cleared up enough for him to lay down without the pile of pillows.

Zayn moved up by him, his arm draped across Liam's torso. Zayn slightly scooted forward to kiss Liam's neck.  
Liam leaned into it and hummed, obviously shivering with a fever. he then brought his hand up to card through Zayn's hair.  
"thank you for staying with me."

Zayn kissed the soft skin again, moving to straddle Liam's waist,  
"anytime."


	19. chapter nineteen

Zayn stayed with Liam for the rest of the weekend, forcing him to eat soup and take cough medicine. he told Liam that whenever he was sleepy he should rest, and he cuddled him every chance that he got. Zayn was treating Liam like a baby, and the taller boy made sure to tease Zayn for it, but Zayn just rolled his eyes.

on monday, Liam insisted that he go. so, Zayn went to class and came to check on Liam for free hour and lunch, and then went back. there was barely any point in going, though, because he didn't pay attention for the rest of his classes.

when the day finished, he rushed home and held hands with Liam until the boy dosed off once again, and Zayn went to the desk to study. he pulled out a book he had to write a report on, putting sticky notes on every somewhat important page.

in about an hour, the door opened and Niall walked through the door, pulling a small suitcase behind him.  
Zayn muttered,  
"hey," and Niall spun around and chuckled. he was obviously surprised by Zayn's presence, but he closed the door and jogged over to give Zayn a hug.

Zayn smiled and pointed to Liam, and Niall chuckled because Liam was asleep while sitting up, his head obviously heavy on his chest.  
"is he okay?"

Zayn smiled and shrugged,  
"he had a pretty bad cold a few days ago, but he's pretty much better now. he's sleeping it off."

Niall smiled and shook his head.

Zayn's eyebrows furrowed,  
"what?"

Niall grinned,  
"you guys are just really cute."

Zayn bit his lip to hide his smile, his cheeks blushing. he turned back to his book and felt Niall push at his shoulder. he narrowed his eyes to read, but all he could picture was Liam, and he hoped that the boy felt better. he shook his head, closing his book because he'd never get any studying done.

Zayn stood up from the desk, walking over to sit by Liam, pulling his head onto his lap, to avoid Liam's neck getting sore from sleeping in such an odd position. Liam's eyes fluttered open, but he relaxed onto Zayn,  
"oh- hey Ni."

Niall muttered a response before sitting on his bed, noticing his pillows gone, but not mentioning it. Zayn ran his hand through Liam's hair,  
"Li- when do you think you'll feel good enough for-class?"  
his real question was when could he make out with him again, but same thing.

Niall rolled his eyes at Zayn's tone, and Liam chuckled, but answered anyway,  
"wednesday or thursday- it depends. I do feel a billion times better, though. thank you for everything."

Zayn smiled and ran one hand along Liam's cheek, the stubble tickling his palm.  
"you don't have to thank me- but I'm glad you're feeling better."

he felt Liam's face heat up, and he couldn't help but smile at how happy he seemed to get.

•••

Liam was obviously over his cold, and had convinced Zayn to go home and get some rest on tuesday night, because he had been up whenever Liam was, which was off and on all night. Zayn argued, but Liam ultimately won, mostly because he turned Zayn on when he acted angry.

so Zayn reluctantly drove home from Liam's dorm, somehow craving for it to be wednesday already. being so close to Liam for those days was extremely hard. his feelings for the boy heightened, and he had such a strong need to grab Liam and kiss him senseless. it was insane how attractive he was when he was sick. when Zayn was sick, his hair was always matted down from sweat no matter how cold he was, and his face was red and he seemed to even cry mucous. yet, Liam's eyes were brighter, and his hair was messy, but his red cheeks and chapped lips just made him look fucked out. Zayn didn't want to get sick, so he stopped himself from making out with the boy, but it was nearly impossible.

Zayn went into his building and up to his flat. it had been several days since he'd been home, and his apartment smelled of old pizza he had forgotten to throw out, and his cigarettes that seemed to have stained the apartment, even though he hasn't smoked inside. Zayn grabbed the pizza box and any other trash he could find that was scattered, and made his way to the dumpster in the building.

••• 

by midnight, his apartment was near spotless and his english essay was done. he knew that his mind was distracting him from Liam, and it was good. his boyfriend seemed to always be on his mind, and it was tiring. Liam was so fucking hot, that it was hard to think about anything else. they hadn't even had sex yet, and Zayn was a wreck. he was sure that Liam was the most attractive person he had ever met in his life. what made it even worse- well better- was that he was so sweet, and he treated Zayn so well. Zayn was lost. he crawled into his bed for the first time in what seemed like forever, and even though he knew that he could sleep without interruptions, he felt bored and restless without Liam. it was like he just needed a hug or to cuddle Liam before bed. one thing he knew for sure, was that he didn't care if Liam was still somewhat sick or not the next day, he was going to kiss him. as soon as Zayn thought of this, he chuckled to himself. it was so ridiculous. he was so addicted to Liam that he couldn't go a week without kissing him. he should feel guilty about this, but he was more flustered than anything else. as he thought about Liam, his body was awake, but his eyes began to droop and soon they were closed, leaving him to dream.


	20. chapter twenty

Zayn went through the motions of his normal schedule; getting dressed in warm, dark clothes, brushing his teeth and texting Louis, when he knew that he'd tell him to fuck off and let him sleep, anyway. he ate breakfast and took his coffee to his car. he drank it on the way to school, anxious to see Liam like he always is. he doubts that Liam is as excited to see him, but he hoped that he is.

Zayn got out of his rusty car and walked over to the wall and leaned against it, lighting up a cigarette. after several drags, he pulled out his phone to text Louis to make sure that he was up and getting ready, because he had a habit of waking up late. Louis of course thanked him, and when Zayn finished his cigarette, heard the familiar click of a car door. he threw his phone in his pocket, smiling when he saw Liam stepping out of his car in a grey hoodie that Zayn had seen on him many times before. Liam had a grin on his face as he walked up to Zayn, looking healthy as ever. Zayn's heart started to race with anticipation, and he found himself reaching out and hugging Liam, his body covered almost completely by Liam's strong arms.

Zayn pulled away for a moment, turning to see that there were only a few people outside, completely oblivious to them. Zayn smiled and grabbed Liam's hoodie roughly, walking back so that his own back was against the wall, jumping up so that he was sitting on it, Liam walking between his legs, holding his waist as he smiled. Zayn bit his lip for a moment, running a finger down Liam's chest and grabbing his hoodie once again. he pulled him close, their lips an inch apart,  
"I missed this," fell from Zayn's mouth, before it crashed onto Liam's, humming and sighing against him. Liam slid his tongue between Zayn's parted lips, his large hands running to Zayn's hips and then thighs. Liam gripped his legs, pulling his body impossibly closer, as Zayn had tangled his hands in Liam's hair for the same affect. Liam slowed their kiss and pulled back the slightest bit, biting Zayn's lower lip. Zayn let out a small moan that sent blood to his cheeks immediately, but Liam just kissed him again. Zayn tangled his tongue with Liam's, begging for, and receiving a groan from Liam. Liam pulled away for a moment,  
"so does this mean I can officially call you my boyfriend?"

Zayn blushed, because that's how he thought of Liam, and it meant a lot that he wanted the same thing,  
"definitely."

Liam's eyes literally lit up as he smiled. Zayn rolled his eyes, but he had a huge grin plastered on his face. right as Zayn was about to kiss Liam again, the bell rang. Zayn sighed and to move off the wall, his body was flushed with Liam's, and he just slid down Liam's body, his hot breath gliding down Liam's neck. when Zayn's feet finally hit the ground, Zayn bit his lip and glanced up to see Liam's cheeks completely crimson. Zayn smiled and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. right as he was about to stride to class, Liam gripped his arm and was the one to practically shove him against the wall and they shared a literal breathtaking kiss. Liam licked into his mouth and bit his lip and licked over it and kissed his lips once again, his hand holding Zayn's hip in place. Zayn gasped and when Liam pulled away the slightest bit, there were a few whistles and claps in the distance, and one or two derogatory slurs. Zayn shoved everything else to the back of his mind as he stared at Liam, who's eyes were dark and full of something he hadn't truly seen on him before. Zayn really liked it. he liked it so much that it was tempting to ditch school and see what could cause Liam's eyes to turn even deeper. however, he proceeded to peck Liam's lips once more, and walked to class with his head down and a dark blush on his cheeks and his lip pulled between his teeth.


	21. chapter twenty one

It'd been a couple weeks since Liam had asked to call Zayn his boyfriend, and everything was going really well. They made out a lot, mostly because Zayn was obsessed with the tingling feeling he got with Liam's lips on his. It was all a bit dramatic and cheesy, and Louis made fun of them for it every day.

Zayn had been a bit embarrassed though, because he was so affected by Liam. he had never been one to show how attracted he was; in sounds or in how red he blushed. however, with Liam he practically melted in Liam's hands and Zayn could barely keep in the little whimpers that escaped his mouth. Liam never said anything, but he was embarrassed that he couldn't control it. Liam would let out little groans or his breathing would speed up if the kiss got particularly heated, but he was never as vocal. Zayn tried to ignore it though, he tried to calm down and realize that it's really sad for him to be so sensitive when Liam's around, and they hadn't even slept together, but he craves him.

What's different though, is that Liam is vocal about his feelings. Zayn's never been good at that, he always bundles everything inside and holds it there until it breaks him for a few days. yet, Liam will say things like "I feel like shit today and I really just want to hold you and watch a movie," or "you mean so much to me, and I know it's weird but I can picture us together forever." Zayn has never really had commitment issues, so it's not hard for him to hear that, because he thinks it too. the thing is that Zayn is worried Liam will say all this and then change his mind. he doesn't want to get his hopes up and then feel broken.

Zayn has had too many emotions lately, he's spinning out of control. he knows he's falling for Liam, he isn't stupid. he feels like he's stupid though. it's all happened so fast; it feels like just yesterday Liam strolled into the comic book store with those deep eyes and soft smile. Zayn is so glad that he was working that day- even though he was pretty shaky and out of it.

the weather is starting to heat up, though. Zayn hates the summer time because everyone is swimming- he doesn't do that- and everyone is having fun and being social and partying. Zayn doesn't really do that either- he rarely finds comfort in doing something that causes a hangover. he can't bring himself to drink away his problems, he tends to just put them on some scrap paper or a blank part of the walls in his flat.

ever since he was little, he over thought things and felt sad randomly, but he never thought about it much because he felt that it was what happened when you grow up.  it kind of is; you let time consume you and then you're nostalgic- it's just what happens.

so Zayn's feeling things and they're new, exciting things, and now he's letting himself think more. it's dangerous for him too, because he doesn't know why he gets sad but he does.

Zayn has never truly gotten into different mediums in his art; usually sticking to pencils, spray paint and oil pastels. he feels something missing though, he's starting to feel like he's repeating himself and he hates it. it's suffocating to have your only outlet for your emotions irritating you. Zayn knew that he had to go buy something new and get this under control before it got worse. so he thumbed out a lazy 'good night' text to Liam, and forced his eyes to close and his brain to shut down for the night.

•••

the next day was Saturday, and Zayn didn't have much planned except he had to go to the art store he considers his third home- the comic book store being his second. he didn't really know what he was getting, but he had just gotten paid and he knew that he was going to feel better. he had to pull himself out of the hole he was falling into.

the roads were busy and full of angry, impatient drivers, but the air felt thick and it was nice. Zayn felt happy, he wasn't necessarily sad  
this time, he just felt like he had to resolve some things and get out of his own head. he knew that it'd be safe to hang out with Liam, but he didn't know his plans and he didn't want to bother him. Zayn sighed and pulled into the nearly empty parking lot and parked in a shady spot, sitting as he finished and put out his cigarette.

he hated that it was warm enough that he didn't feel able to sit there. when it's cold outside, Zayn likes the freedom of being able to just sit there forever without being uncomfortable.

Zayn remembered where he was though, and maybe a hint of excitement ran through his veins. he loved the art supply store so much, and how much creativity it held. he swung his door open and grabbed his wallet off the dash, slipping it into his jean pocket with his phone. his ears were heavy, and he missed Liam. sometimes he wished Liam was with him all the time; always at his side with a soothing hand on his back.

the bell rung as he entered the shop and Zayn breathed in that clean smell of art paper and the strong burn of chemicals from the paint. he smiled at the older lady at the counter named Marla that he had talked to on countless occasions, and continued down the aisle ahead, pushing his small shopping cart ahead of himself.

the aisle was full of paint; hundreds of watercolors, tempera paint, acrylic paint,  face paint and Zayn swears he saw edible paint. he knew he had to start painting, people online said it was better for relieving stress. Zayn was stressed from school, from  feelings and from a million other irritating things on his mind. thing is, he do use watercolors before, and it felt too light- too summery. tempera paint made him feel too much like a kid, and face paint- well didn't make any sense at all. he stood in front of the acrylic paint and he knew he had to grab some. he didn't want to blow hundreds of bucks on all of the colors of the rainbow, so he just stopped at the necessities. he grabbed a bottle of red, blue, yellow and then got black and white as well, knowing him he can make whatever color he chooses with these.

he made a clicking sound with this tongue as he walked along the aisle, seeing the broad section of canvases the end of it. he's had an easel for years, and has filled hundreds of canvases, but he ran out and knows to buy a shit ton even though it's expensive. he saw a 32 pack of 18x24 canvas panels, and he reached out to run his hand along the material. it was smooth but the canvas had it's familiar bumpy surface, and he smiled to himself as he put it in the car. he felt kind of nerdy getting so excited, but he just loved art so much. he was glad to finally have another medium to work with.

he walked to the next aisle and found all of the brushes. he never really understand why there were so many different types of paint brushes, but they were so beautiful that he didn't think into it. he grabbed a few different brushes that varied in size and shape of the bristles, and then walked back and grabbed one little bottle of the black body paint- mostly because he wondered how it tasted. he sighed in content and walked up to check out at Marla's counter.

she smiled brightly at him and started to ring up his items,  
"acrylic, huh?"

Zayn chuckled and smiled, his shoulders moving into a light shrug,  
"guess I just wanted to try something different."

she nodded,  
"hmm, any blokes in your life lately?" she winked and smiled, every time Zayn walks in she asks him. she's always been supportive of his sexuality and they have become good friends despite their age difference.

Zayn bit his lip,  
"uh- yeah, actually. his name is Liam."

she set down the canvases in the bag and clapped her hands together once before returning to scanning, her smile still bright.  
"I'm so glad to hear that! I don't want to pry- well I do; is it serious?"

Zayn chuckled, his cheeks red.  
"getting there, yeah."

Marla nodded and gathered up the bagged items and set them on the counter,  
"that's really good, Zayn. I'm so glad you've found someone. bring him in sometime, eh?" she playfully slapped Zayn's shoulder,  
"really do."

Zayn nodded.  
"I think I will, gotta get your approval I suppose."

Marla laughed,  
"of course."

they chatted for a few more moments and Marla told him that her Granddaughter was seven now, and her family is doing well. soon enough she gave him his total and Zayn could tell that she had given him quite a discount. he handed her a messy pile of cash and thanked her as she gave him his change and receipt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that it took me so long to update, and if you guys are still reading I am so thankful. I love you all.


	22. chapter twenty two

when Zayn got home, he set up his paint and brushes on his easel and found the old palette he used to use with tempera paint at school. he didn't really know what he was doing, but he was excited. he took off his shirt to avoid getting paint on it and he took off his jeans as well, slipping some old black sweatpants on and leaving his chest bare.

he let The Vaccines play on low volume as he set up a blank canvas, staring at it. he really didn't know what he was doing. he sighed and tried to think of things that inspired him. he thought of his family but that just made him miss them; and school made him cringe.

then Zayn thought of Liam. he thought of chocolate brown eyes and those soft, soft pink lips. he mixed red with two drops of white and began painting how he would have drawn. the color was smooth and bright as the shape of his work now resembled lips. he took a clear paintbrush and put it in the cup of water he had for the brushes and spattered water along the canvas to create a blended look.

Zayn used the black to outline eyes directly above the lips, smearing it with the pink. he quickly made brown out of his colors, and he smiled when the shade looked a bit like Liam's eyes like he had wanted. he filled the eyes with the smooth brown, adding some light brown cross hatching in the spaces between the eyes and lips.

the park Liam and Zayn always walked through made it's way into Zayn's thoughts. he smiled and added a few lines of brown on the very edges, and then cleared his brush and mixed up some green on his palette. he added green around the brown and used water to blend it and Zayn smiled to himself because it was finally coming together.

Zayn heard his phone ringing and without thinking, he rubbed his hands off on his stomach, laughing at himself before hitting the green button,  
"hey Li."

"hey. are you busy?" Zayn could tell that Liam had a smile on his face.

"uh- not really, painting at the flat."  
Zayn stared at the canvas for a moment as he awaited Liam's response.

"could I come over? I'm super bored."

Zayn smiled,  
"of course."

Liam chuckled,  
"okay, see you soon."

the line cut off and Zayn smiled as he began to add red around the lips to make the colors more vivid. Zayn knew it would be only minutes until Liam was there, and Zayn looked around his flat to see that it was pretty clean besides the art supplies flooding it. just as he finished adding a bit of green stippling around the trees, he heard a knock at his door,  
"come in, it's open!"

"hey baby. you should lock your door, it's a bit unsafe, love." Liam's voice projected as the front door closed and Zayn smiled at Liam's words, embarrassed at how happy he became when Liam spoke to him,

"hey, Li." he added a little more water to the canvas and moved his finger to blend some of the paint, and then wiping the paint off on his hip.

as Liam entered the living room, Zayn remembered that he still didn't have a shirt on, and Liam had never seen him shirtless. he suddenly became self conscious, knowing that he probably looked a mess with the various smears of colored paint on his torso. he ignored these feelings though; adding some more green along the left edge of the canvas. he heard a low murmur of his name and then Liam was standing behind him with his hand on Zayn's waist. Zayn took a shuddery breath and turned his head right as Liam kissed along his neck. Zayn hummed and turned his head to the side to give Liam more access, and soon he playfully bit Zayn's neck. he kissed him once more and slid his hand down to Zayn's hip,  
"I missed you."

Zayn chucked, turning around to face him.  
"I missed you too, sorry I look like shit."

Liam shook his head, pecking him on the lips,  
"no, no. you honestly look really nice like this- and the paint on your forehead is really endearing," Liam kissed Zayn's nose and chuckled.

Zayn's face turned bright red as he realized he must have touched his head when he had wet paint on his hand. he half heartedly rubbed at the paint, rolling his eyes when Liam pulled Zayn's hand away and kissed Zayn's cheek.  
"so what are you painting, love?"

Zayn blushed even darker as he thought 'everything that you represent.' he moved to the side to let Liam see it, and Liam let out a gasp that sent Zayn snapping his head to see him smile.  
"it's kind of like- abstract, but it's just based off of things. I know it's not the best, but I haven't really used acrylics before."

Liam shook his head and stepped closer to the canvas, moving his head closer to examine the details.  
"I love this so much. it's beautiful, Zayn," his smile could be heard as he spoke, and Zayn wrapped his arm around himself. he could feel the skin of his torso burning up, and he knew that he must be blushing from head to toe.

"thanks Liam."  
Zayn has never been good at showing anyone his art, it wasn't something he did well. he always shied away from compliments and muttered on about how the painting wasn't as good as it could be or that he's gonna add more to it, but all he could do was thank Liam.

Liam stared at it for a minute longer,  
"it's so good, honestly. is it finished?"

Zayn shook his head,  
"um no, I was going to at least add a bit more around the edges and maybe some more pink in the middle to make it pop."

Liam turned to him and smiled,  
"you should finish it right now."

Zayn bit his lip,  
"are you just gonna watch me?"

Liam hummed,  
"yeah- is it okay? I want to see it finished."

Zayn nodded,  
"okay- I'm all nervous now. I'm scared I'll fuck it up."

Liam shook his head,  
"impossible."

Liam walked up and kissed each of Zayn's cheeks and then kissed at Zayn's neck for a moment, squeezing his hips. Zayn chuckled breathlessly, loving every second of it.  
"I love when you do stuff like that,"  
Zayn whispered the confession and Liam's eyes met his and Liam's smile was extremely bright.

"I love it when you let me," Liam's voice was low and he smiled but backed up to lean against a wall that let him see the side of Zayn and the canvas.

Zayn let out a nervous laugh under Liam's gaze that was highly intense. he felt a bit awkward painting with someone staring right at him, but he ignored it and grabbed a paintbrush and adding black to it before retracing over the eyes and certain parts of the lips that would need shadows. he set it down for a moment and took a step back. he let his eyes trace over every line of it and then look at it as a whole, knowing it needed one more thing to represent Liam. he looked over at the boy who was staring intently at him and blushed,  
"would you mind helping?"

Liam rushed forward as if that was what he had wanted to hear.  
"what can I do?"

Zayn bit his lip at how adorable and eager Liam was,  
"uh- pick a color."

Liam chuckled but answered quickly,  
"purple."

Zayn smiled and mixed some red and blue on the palette, creating a mid purple.  
"okay now dab your fingers in it."

Liam smiled, raising an eyebrow,  
"you sure?"

Zayn laughed,  
"yeah- why not?"

Liam shrugged and did as he was told, his right pointer and middle finger covered in purple,  
"now what, love?"

Zayn bit his lip and stared at the painting for a moment,  
"um- like dab your fingers all over the pink part."

Liam smiled,  
"aren't they lips?"

Zayn looked down and let out a breath, so in love with the fact that Liam could tell even with all the blending.  
"yeah, they are. I think it'd look cool and add texture." he met Liam's eyes again.

Liam shrugged,  
"you're brilliant in every way."

Zayn smiled and chuckled because Liam made it sound like his response was a normal one to what Zayn said. Liam moved forward and chuckled as he did so, but pressing his paint covered fingers along the canvas for a while and when he pulled away, it looked really nice. Zayn loved that Liam's fingerprints were so distinct in the paint and how it did add so much texture to it.  
"it's done- I think I like it."

Liam smiled,  
"I know I love it."

Zayn rolled his eyes,  
"you're just saying that because I'm half naked."

Liam smirked, but his eyes were still so soft,  
"maybe so, because wow, but it is really good."

Zayn swore that his cheeks would burn off.  
"you can have it if you want."

Liam's eyes lit up, but he covered his excitement quickly,  
"I can't take that from you."

Zayn rolled his eyes again,  
"honestly of all people ever- you should have it."

Liam smiled,  
"okay, thank you."

Zayn looked back at the painting,  
"oh wait I gotta add more green there's a white spot I didn't see." Liam chuckled and moved to lean against the wall.

"I think it's perfect," Liam cooed and Zayn scoffed.

the white spot turned into more blending around the eyes and a little highlighting above the lip, and Liam kept silent the entire time. yet just as Zayn was finishing some blending with the trees, Liam spoke.  
"you're so hot, so beautiful and sweet," he was almost whispering and Zayn's chest literally tightened,  
"Zayn I'm so- I just can't believe I'm with you, you're so fucking good to me."

Zayn stopped all movement and set his paintbrush on the easel. he felt like a lost puppy. his lip was between his teeth and his shoulders were slouched. he felt the same way, he is amazed at how attracted to Liam he is in every way. he's not good with words, though. he can't explain that he's really falling for Liam, or that he is glad that he woke up today just because he got to see Liam.

Zayn doesn't say anything, he can't say anything. he whimpered quietly and Liam must think he's insane for staying so quiet for so long.

"Z- did I say too much?" Liam sighed, "I'm sorry I just got carried away. shit, I-"

"stop." Zayn turned to him and sighed, a small smile on his lips as he walked over to where Liam had been standing. Zayn licked his lip and moved his hand to rub along Liam's jaw, humming before kissing Liam's lips softly. Zayn deepened the kiss and it became a bit more eager as hands started to roam. Zayn felt Liam grip his ass and he moaned into the taller boy's mouth, pushing Liam forward until his back hit the wall. Zayn felt Liam's hands on his ass, gripping his cheeks through his sweats. Zayn whimpered and rolled his hips forward, shuddering when he could feel that Liam was hard. Zayn smiled against Liam's lips and pulled away to see how dark Liam's eyes had gotten. Liam's hands dropped to his sides and he seemed to ask a million questions with his eyes, but Zayn didn't answer.

Zayn trailed his hands down from Liam's face and slid along his waist and hips, pushing him harder against the wall and kissing him fast and feverishly.

Zayn moved one hand to Liam's stomach, and then it was sliding down more and more until it rubbed along the outline of Liam's cock in his jeans. Liam gasped into Zayn's mouth and bit at Zayn's lip while Zayn continued to palm him. Zayn pulled away from Liam's lips to move to his neck, placing kisses all over the skin and sucking on the skin under Liam's jaw until there is a prominent red mark on the skin. Zayn was so proud that it was somewhere that he couldn't hide, and that it would stay for a while. as Zayn kissed around his neck, he unbuttoned Liam's jeans, and the taller boys hands were shaking as they gently held Zayn's slender hips.

Liam's tongue wrapped around Zayn's, and Zayn moaned at an embarrassingly loud volume, unzipping Liam's jeans in a flash.  
"Z-Zayn what-" Zayn reached inside his jeans and rubbed Liam's cock through his jeans, "oh fuck- baby."

Zayn kissed down Liam's jaw,  
"thank you for saying all those things, Liam." Zayn hummed when he bent and started kissing down Liam's chest and torso. he could practically hear Liam's heart beat as it pounded in his chest, and Zayn was proud that it was because of him. "you're so good to me."

Liam shuddered and bucked his hips into Zayn's hand involuntarily. Zayn kissed Liam's hipbone through his shirt and then got on his knees, pushing Liam's hips back and using his nose to push up the fabric of Liam's shirt, his lips reaching every piece of skin on Liam's torso that he could. Liam wasn't whining or complaining that Zayn was teasing, he seemed to enjoy any contact that he could get.

Zayn placed his hands on the waistband of Liam's jeans, slowly pulling them down to past his mid thighs. Zayn lowered his head and kissed Liam's inner thigh and traced his lips up until his eyes shot up to see Liam staring down at him intently. he was panting and biting on his lip, his right hand carding through Zayn's hair.

Zayn kissed Liam's thigh and hummed as he moved his mouth up to bit at the hem of the leg in the boxers, yanking it lower with his teeth. Liam gasped and Zayn pulled his boxers the rest of the way down to meet Liam's jeans. Liam's cock slapped against his hip and Zayn's breath hitched. there isn't an inch of Liam's body that is unattractive. Liam is so fucking beautiful and sweet and now Zayn can see that he's huge, and he knows he likes Liam quite a whole lot. Zayn gripped the base of Liam's cock, moving to lick at the head slowly. Liam tasted sweet and Zayn wrapped his lips around the tip as he hummed. Liam was barely vocal during heated make out sessions, but now he was muttering Zayn's name and moaning quietly at the teasing. Zayn moved to lick up Liam's underside, flicking his tongue against the veins. Zayn licked up Liam's length and closed his lips around the tip, taking him in inch by inch. 

Zayn loved this. he loved how hard Liam had to fight to not buck his hips forward. he loved how Liam was failing to hold in his moans.

Zayn looked up at Liam through his eyelashes as he began to bob his head, his own length tenting in his sweatpants. Liam moaned Zayn's name as he stared down at the boy, softly sliding his hand through Zayn's hair. Zayn let his left hand move to his own lap and start to rub his length through his sweatpants, the material causing beautiful friction. Zayn moaned around Liam and pulled off only to lick at the head and slowly jerk Liam off. Zayn's hand didn't fully wrap around Liam's cock, and that thought alone made Zayn whimper. he was suddenly encouraged to take Liam down his throat, bobbing his head up and down as he moved his hand on himself at the same pace.

"Z-Zayn oh fuck," Liam was holding Zayn's head a bit tighter; not pulling or pushing on his head, just holding him there.

Zayn moaned and gripped Liam's hip, holding him against the wall and speeding up his movements.  
"fuck! I'm c-close," Liam stuttered on for a while, explaining how beautiful Zayn was and how he looked so good like this.

Zayn gripped himself harder and bucked his hips forward as he opened his throat to take Liam deeper. Zayn slowed down to pull Liam's orgasm from him, needing to feel him let go. it was all so much to handle. Liam was hot in his mouth and his moans were echoing in Zayn's ears.

"Zayn... fuck," his voice was scratchy,  
"I'm g-gonna-" he tried to warn Zayn to move back, but Zayn just moved so that Liam's cock rested on his tongue. Zayn moaned as he finally slipped his hand down his own pants to relieve the tension held by his own leaking member. he looked up to Liam and licked along Liam's dick one more time, pulling his tip into his mouth. Liam let out a pornographic moan and released down Zayn's throat with chants and groans of his name, his hips twitching with the power of his orgasm. Zayn whined and released all over his hand and inside his sweatpants, and it was all such a mess but it was so fucking amazing. Zayn pulled off but lazily licked at the tip of Liam's sensitive dick as he came down from his high.

Liam let out a shaky breath as his eyes were lidded. Zayn smiled and stood up, pulling up Liam's boxers and jeans in one quick movement, zipping and buttoning up Liam's jeans, trying not to get Liam's jeans messy from his hands.

Liam's hands loosely grabbed Zayn's wrists and moved him so that he was against the wall, examining Zayn's hand and moving forward to lick the mess off of Zayn's fingers. Zayn bit his lip but then his lip was pulled from his own teeth by Liam's teeth, his lips languidly sliding across Zayn's.

Zayns was thankful that when Liam pulled away, he made it so that it wasn't awkward.

Zayn leaned against the wall for a minute as Liam stared at him, looking hesitant. Zayn shifted at the come drying in his pants, but he kept his face straight.  
"you okay?"

Liam nodded,  
"you know that I didn't like- come here or tell you things so that you would d-do anything, right? I just need you to know that I wanted to spend time with you and everything I said was true."

Zayn's shoulders fell and he smiled,  
"of course I know that. I would never think you did that. don't be stupid, love."

Liam smiled and his cheeks reddened,  
"okay- good."

Zayn stood up the rest of the way and scratched at his head,  
"would you hate me if I showered? these pants are like- uh." Zayn was blushing fiercely and Liam chuckled.

"go ahead. want me to make you dinner?" Liam's eyes were a bit hopeful and Zayn practically giggled.

Zayn looked at him for a moment,  
"you don't have to do that."

Liam scoffed,  
"baby- after that, I just- wow." he looked to the floor, "trust me, it's the least I can do."

Zayn bit his lip,  
"go ahead, then. I'm not sure what I have in there."

Liam shrugged,  
"I'll figure something out."

Zayn nodded and made his way down the hallway, his smile hurting his cheeks.


	23. chapter twenty three

when it was time for summer break, Zayn and Liam were closer and they were so, so happy.

Zayn couldn't decide how he felt about summer break. everyone is supposed to love summer break, but for Zayn it means no art class and more work. it means Louis dragging him to parties as his wingman, and the possibility that his relationship with Liam will change. it's stupid because the possibility of them becoming closer is strong. Zayn's never been cynical either, he just becomes self conscious in relationships.

when he dated a guy named Daevon, he went head first. he was an open book and they shared a love for art and it was beautiful. Zayn didn't feel self conscious sexually, emotionally, or with his looks, but he felt like he wasn't as talented or as smart as Daevon and it felt like a competition. when Zayn thinks back to it, he's more aware that Daevon made little comments to remind Zayn of this, and it really got to him. it was hard always comparing every little thing, and when he found out- more like walked in on- Daevon cheating on him, it knocked him down a bit. it made him concerned that he wasn't pleasing him correctly, or he was too jealous of him. it scared him out of relationships up until he met Liam.

it's so different with Liam. Liam is more talented than Zayn, just in different ways, but he applauds Zayn's art and his views on things. it means so much to Zayn that he's actually taken seriously for his opinion on society or politics, instead of just feeling like a sex doll.

Zayn has explained this briefly to Liam, but he just gets so spooked and he doesn't want to worry Liam. he knows that he should explain that this is part of the reason they haven't slept together, and that he is really trying to fix this. he's not scared of commitment- he's scared of not becoming committed. he wants this relationship to work and he doesn't want to fuck it up. Zayn needs this to work.

•••

"so Zayn are you still being an idiot and hating summer break?" Louis said in between what must be scalding drinks of tea.

Zayn huffed and stood up from Louis' bed, stretching his arms above his head,  
"I guess- but you know how I am," he sighed. "it's just stressful- I'm just- I don't know."

Louis rolled his eyes, but concern overpowered his sass,  
"what's up?"

Zayn pinched the bridge of his nose and took a seat back on the bed,  
"I don't want to mess things up like I did with Daevon."

Louis' small hand gripped fiercely onto Zayn's sleeve and held him there,  
"that shit was not your fault."

Zayn looked away from Louis' gaze,  
"but I could have done m-"

"shut the fuck up, Zayn. that's ridiculous, he was an asshole." Louis' grip loosened but his hand stayed there for comfort.

Zayn sighed, Louis was always so supportive and sweet with him, even if he treated everything like a joke. Zayn was well aware that Louis' humor was a defense mechanism, and he didn't mind Louis' soft moments being something of which they didn't speak.

"I don't know- but thanks man," Zayn sighed and wrapped Louis into a hug and patted him on the back. "so do you think things will work with Li?"

Louis pulled away and flopped back on the bed,  
"Zayn," he sighed and folded his arms behind his head. "honestly, I've never seen you this fucking happy, and you know that I'm right." Louis sighed, "Liam is good, I mean he's really good for you. I've never thought someone deserved you, but I think he's it. I'm not trying to freak you out, but I think you guys have to make sure that no matter what shit happens- you stay together. okay?"

Zayn let out a heavy sigh, his chest lightening as he gripped his knees,  
"okay- thanks."

Louis hummed and threw his comforter on himself, turning to face the wall.  
"okay now fuck off, go see your boyfriend."

Zayn smiled and looked at the clock on his phone,  
"it's like eleven."

Louis groaned,  
"who fucking cares, Zayn?"

Zayn chuckled and placed a sloppy kiss on Louis' temple,  
"thanks, love you!"

Louis scoffed,  
"love you too- g'night."

Zayn gathered his phone and wallet and quickly made his way outside and onto the sidewalk.

•••

Zayn's fist knocked softly against the door of Niall and Liam's dorm, and he suddenly felt like maybe he shouldn't have come. it was kind of rude to assume that Liam was awake...

the door swung open and Liam stood, leaning against the door frame. Zayn bit his lip and admired the old tank top hanging from Liam's shoulders, the holes around the torso resembling memories.  
"m'sorry, Li. I talked to Louis and he said I s-should see you," he scratched at his collarbone and looked to Liam's eyes,  
"should I go? I know it's late."

Liam grinned and shook his head, grabbing Zayn's hand and pulling him inside, his door shutting behind them. Liam pressed Zayn against the door and smiled as he molded their lips. his hands slid down to Zayn's hips and he pulled away enough to speak,  
"so are you okay?"

Zayn breathed in Liam's warmth and tightened his fingers on his shoulders,  
"better- I was paranoid is all." Zayn forced his lips to turn up, but Liam nodded sympathetically and saw straight through him. as always, Liam found a way to take Zayn by surprise, and he lifted Zayn so that his legs instantly wrapped about Liam's hips, sitting on his bed, Zayn atop his lap.

Liam's hands rested on Zayn's thighs,  
"so what's on your mind, baby?"

Zayn bit his lip and ran his hands down Liam's torso, his fingertips gripping onto the waistband. his cheeks were burning and he didn't quite know how to start but he knew he was going to end up speaking about this.  
"I-I don't know where to start."

Liam nodded, leaning up to press a kiss on Zayn's nose,  
"okay- just tell me what you told Lou."

Zayn smiled and nodded, his blush worsening.  
"I just told him like- I told him how I didn't want to mess things up for you and I like- like I did with Daevon."

Liam shook his head and scoffed,  
"baby, you-"

Zayn sighed,  
"Louis told me I was being stupid." he moved forward and rested his forehead against Liam's,  
"I'm just scared we aren't going to work out- or if I'm not doing something right, you won't tell me." Zayn noticed how soft his voice became and how broken it sounded, but he couldn't fix it.

Liam moved his head forward the slightest bit and moved their lips together for a moment, and then pulled away,  
"baby."

it was then that Zayn realized he hadn't opened his eyes since he spoke the last time, and he forced his stubborn, nervous eyes open.

Zayn noticed how Liam seemed to be focused on what he would say,  
"we're good. Zayn if there's something wrong, I promise I'll talk to you about it. honestly- I've been scared too. I've felt like- like I didn't deserve you." Liam bit his lip for a moment and then spoke again,  
"so let's just decide to share how we feel, okay?" Zayn felt Liam's hands softly grab along his face,  
"I don't want you feeling like shit- you don't deserve that. I always want to work things out with you."

Zayn's lips were in a vulnerable pout and he was just so fucking overwhelmingly fond of Liam, and he didn't know how to deal with it. Zayn let out a breath of air and wrapped his arms around Liam's torso,  
"thank you."

Zayn felt a breath of hot air on his neck and he heard a soft hum,  
"no you're just- you deserve everything."

Zayn held on tighter to Liam, a tear rebelliously sliding down his cheek. he felt Liam pull him closer and rub soothing circles on his back.

Zayn lifted his head and left small kisses on Liam's neck, his lips in contact with love bites from a while back.  
"thank you Liam." he heard a soft hum above him and Zayn spoke again,  
"is Niall coming back?"

"no, he texted me that he was staying at a friend's house tonight, but be didn't use a name, so we know what that means."

Zayn chuckled and kissed his neck again,  
"c-can I stay here tonight?" he didn't want to be alone when he felt so pathetic.

Liam moved his hands along Zayn's thighs softly,  
"of course, love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO FUCKING LONG! I suck, thank you so much for reading!  
> -jasmine :(


	24. chapter twenty four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as an apology for taking a month, there's some short ziam smut on a damn kitchen counter.
> 
> twitter: actualzjm
> 
> -jasmine : )

Zayn is very aware that it is easy to become too... comfortable in a relationship. you see, Liam and him are way too happy for their own good. they've been together for months and school is out for the summer and they pretty much haven't gone a day without seeing each other.

they have a schedule. they'll text each other in the morning and Zayn will usually skip breakfast so that when Liam comes over he'll feel obligated to make him lunch; which only started when Zayn forgot to eat one day and his stomach may have- embarrassingly enough- growled during their make out session. of course Liam had giggled at him and kissed his nose before insisting to make him a grilled cheese. watching Liam rushing and humming to himself in the kitchen might have been a lovely sight, and Zayn made a mental note of that. so now it's a thing- Liam's even waited to have lunch until he's at Zayn's. they'll hang out, watching movies and giving lazy handjobs or blowjobs and it's amazing. Zayn will even admit that he is ecstatic to ask Liam to stay and sleep in the same bed with him. Zayn was so used to being lonely that he didn't even realize he was- so whenever Liam can't stay the night, he has a hard time getting to sleep, and that's never been a problem for him.

after a while it gets domestic. it was weird the first time Zayn washed a load of Liam's sweaty gym clothes that were scattered across his flat when he'd given Liam a messy blowjob against the door because he had looked hot sweaty. or the time Zayn forgot Liam said their water was off in the flat and would stop by to shower after the gym because he hated showering there. Zayn had been in just a sweater that went mid-thigh and tight boxer briefs and Liam growled and grinded against him on the couch, slowly losing clothes until they both made a mess in their underwear. it was just how it worked. yet when Liam saw the pile of clean clothes on the couch, the smile that split his face was enough to make it worth doing again the week later.

they'll spend the majority of the day laughing and watching movies and at least twice a week, Liam will chase Zayn around the flat and it ends up in a ten minute long tickle fight that ends up hurting Zayn's stomach from laughing so fucking hard. then at night they'll stay up and slowly, super slowly, Liam is managing to get Zayn to be more open with him. Zayn is so scared, but it's working.

however, when anyone spends all their free time together, it can become difficult. they start to bicker, a lot. it's the little things; Liam leaving his socks on Zayn's couch or Zayn pressing his cold toes along Liam's ankle without warning. maybe they enjoy it though, going back and forth and half heartedly pissing each other off.

so now, Zayn's curled into Liam's side, watching the episode of Skins Uk playing as it's set on the taller boy's lap. Zayn's voice is raspy from talking all day,  
"all I'm saying, is that Effy shouldn't keep sleeping with Cook and leading Freddie on."

Liam hummed,  
"true, but she's obviously like- depressed. she's only doing it because she doesn't want to get hurt, so she's keeping him at a distance."

Zayn huffed,  
"but she's still hurting Freddie- and Cook, because he's gonna fucking fall in love with her too and it'll be a mess. I mean it's so awful that she's depressed but she can't just hurt other people and expect it to be okay."

Liam hummed,  
"that's true, babe. I just think that she doesn't quite realize what she's doing to Freddie."

Zayn groaned,  
"she's always got that fucking smirk though, she knows she's driving him mad!" his voice broke but he's ranting too much to care,  
"I love Effy but she really pisses me off sometimes."

a hand is now carding though his hair and he loves (yet somehow equally hates) how calm Liam is through all of this. yes, it's silly for Zayn to get so worked up, but he has a a lot of opinions and they come with feelings. lots of feelings.  
"yeah, she does get better towards the end though, you know? like with the way she treats people."

Zayn mutters agreement and arches into Liam's touch and focuses back on his laptop.

•••

it seems little, these disagreements they have. it happens a lot, though. Zayn will even find himself to actually get angry- he doesn't know why. sometimes he feels so stupid for having no control over his feelings. it's nice though, when he can get Liam worked up too. something about the red to his cheeks and the tightening of his jaw and that certain shade of brown his eyes become that is appealing. it's similar to his face when he's turned on but it's more.. dominant. Zayn fucking loves it.

so- okay, maybe Zayn tells Liam about how he walked outside barefoot in the cold, just so he'd get pissed about Zayn possibly getting sick. maybe Zayn leaves the kitchen cabinets open to see the flash of frustration on the boy's face. maybe. Liam slams the counters shut and attack Zayn with his lips.

Zayn would feel kind of mean for purposely doing the things that piss Liam off- except, the boy isn't really complaining. sure, he has a hint of anger, but there's something else about it. the playfulness of it, he can tell, that Liam loves. Liam is fully aware of Zayn's actions, and it's great.

it's great because now he has his back to a cabinet and Liam standing between his legs. he has rough lips on his neck and hands pulling his thighs closer to Liam. Liam slowly undoes Zayn's flannel but doesn't take it off of him, and he removes the boy's jeans but not his boxer briefs. Zayn gasped and grabbed Liam's hips and rolled their bodies together. Liam groaned and kissed Zayn's jaw; teeth grazing and tongue sliding down his neck. Zayn's hands went to the nape of Liam's neck, sliding his nails into the short hairs there and yanking softly and bringing their lips together.

Liam's hands explored Zayn and kissed him hard, his tongue hot as it explores Zayn's mouth. Zayn moaned and rolled his hips in response, hating how little self control he had at this point.

it was messy and fast and their moans echoed in the walls. Liam's hips stuttered forward and Zayn responded against him. they rolled their hips together and deepened their kiss. after minutes of this, it was sloppy and eager and just so much. how the fuck did Liam to that to Zayn?

Zayn felt the familiar clench in his stomach and he could only mutter,  
"shit, I'm gonna- fuck," and he was sent over the edge, his thighs trembling and tightening around Liam, pulling him in. he moaned Liam's name and the boy lost it as well. Zayn shuddered, his hands slowly scratching down Liam's back, slowly regaining his senses.

when Zayn's heartbeat slows to normal, he's laughing. his hands come up to cover his face and Liam looked at him, confused, but then he chuckled too at their situation.  
"Li- every time you cook in here I'm going to think about this. actually; every time I see my kitchen I'm going to think about this."

Liam chuckles and places a kiss to the boy's nose,  
"good."


	25. chapter twenty five

Zayn does think about what happened every time he goes to the kitchen.

every time.

It's a few weeks before he doesn't have to calm his arousal by thinking about it so much.

Liam is at his house a lot more and it's difficult not to jump him constantly. besides that, it's fucking amazing.

now they're half heartedly watching a crime show; sprawled out on the couch, Zayn's head resting on Liam's lap. Liam's thumb is rubbing circles on Zayn's temple and Zayn feels far too at home.  
"I'm thinking about getting a job."

Zayn chuckled at the random topic but continued anyway.  
"why?"

Liam spoke,  
"I just hate not being able to take you out more and having to eat shit food at the cafeteria. I think it would just be a good idea for me."

Zayn smiled and now fingers we're brushing through his fringe,  
"you don't need to worry about dates and all that, but I don't want you to eat shit all the time, babes. I'm sorry."

Liam hummed and ran his hand down Zayn's side, moving his hand back along his waist and ending at his shoulder again.  
"you deserve to be taken out all the time."

Zayn smiled and leaned into his touch,  
"so do you."

•••

a week passes and Liam has looked around for jobs but he doesn't want to work somewhere that he's going to hate. he's trying to enjoy the present as well as plan for the future. 

so when Zayn realizes the solution to the problem, he laughed.  
"Li?"

Liam looked up from where he was straightening up his nightstand in Niall and his dorms.  
"hmm?"

Zayn bit his lip,  
"I just uh- would you want a job at the store?"

"what store?"

Zayn laughed,  
"uh- the comic book store."

Liam's eyes widened and he stuttered for a moment,  
"w-would you feel like I was copying you or like- taking your thing?"

Zayn chucked,  
"what? no not at all, that's why I asked. I'd love it actually."

Liam nervously smiled,  
"would they even hire me?"

Zayn scoffed,  
"yes, Li. I'll talk to Shawn and see if he'd be open to it, I think he mentioned something about hiring another person a couple weeks ago."

Liam smiled his squinty eyed smile and Zayn's heart jumped for a moment.  
"that means a lot, Zayn." He stood up and laid on his side on the spot next to Zayn. Zayn ran his hand down the side of his Liam's neck and grabbed the boy's hand, intertwining their fingers.

Liam hummed and brought their hands to his lips, kissing Zayn's cold fingers and scooting closer.

•••

Zayn was on break and there wasn't anyone in the store at the time. since it was Wednesday, his boss was in the store and Zayn decided to talk to him about Liam. he took a deep breath, even though Shawn and him get along very well.

he knocked softly on the oak door, his knuckles hitting the cold surface, and he heard a low,  
"come in."

Zayn pushed the door open and peeked his head in,  
"could I talk to you for a second?"

Shawn raised his eyebrow and sat up straight from where he had been typing on his desktop,  
"sure, Zayn. come in."

Zayn nodded and closed the door behind him as he sat down.  
"uh- I have- well," he scratched at his neck and took a deep breath,  
"my- uh- friend Liam is looking for a job and I thought- well I was wondering if you were thinking about hiring anyone else?"

Shawn smiled at his uneasy nature and shrugged,  
"well I was thinking that we could use another person now that it's going to be summer, the business seems to increase when kids are out of school."

Zayn broke into a smile and bit on his lip,  
"okay, cool. well I was just thinking that Liam would be really good for the job and he has a flexible schedule."

Shawn looked at him knowingly,  
"so.. why do you think he'd be good for the job?"

Zayn smoothed his jeans on his legs and sighed,  
"well he's like- really good with people and he's super strong so he could help a lot with the unpacking and restocking and all that."

Shawn smiled,  
"okay, man. tell him he's got a job."

Zayn's eyes widened,  
"really? just like that?"

Shawn shrugged,  
"we're a small business, I trust your judgment. I'm not going to go through all the questions and shit with him. you can train him."

Zayn nodded and he couldn't seem to stop smiling,  
"okay- wow. thanks, he'll be thrilled."

"bring him by tomorrow when you open, I'll stop in to do paperwork."

Zayn nodded,  
"okay, wow. thank you."

Shawn nodded and Zayn left the room.

he totally didn't squeal at the thought of helping Liam and being able to spend more time with him at once. not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this sucks I might edit it later lol


	26. chapter twenty six

Zayn's found that Liam's really cute when he's nervous. he takes too many quick breaths and he keeps shaking out his arms and sniffling his nose. Zayn is amazed that a boy that looks so strong and fearless, will hide behind Zayn as they ring people up at The Comic Book Store.

Zayn blushes like crazy because he feels Liam's heat, even when he's across the room, and it's lovely. Zayn does remain focused- except when Liam is reaching up to put away a comic and his shirt raises beautifully. the skin of his hip should have an entire textbook written about it. Zayn decides to put that one on the bottom of his to-do list.

so Zayn teaches Liam how to work their old register properly, and how the storage room is organized and everything in between. it's fun, Zayn finds himself only needed one cup of coffee from the machine in the back instead of three, and the days speed by.

It only takes a week before Zayn feels completely comfortable leaving Liam at the counter if he has to piss or restock a shelf. Liam's incredibly teachable, and he's always trying his best and it's fun. Also, Shawn is totally fine with them working together all the time; even though it costs him more money. He's noticed that they get much more done and sales have picked up a bit.

Liam's an angel as always, and Zayn feels like he's on the fucking moon. If Liam has to come in later in the day, he's brought Zayn a cupcake or a cookie and it's just adorable. They've had little arguments when Liam forgot to turn off the storage room light, or when he didn't listen to Zayn when he told him to double check the change he gives back to the customers. however, they've never had a real fight; until they do.

the day has been slow. it's been so slow that they've only seen three customers and it's almost 5 P.M. Zayn has had the chance to reorganize the drawer in which he keeps his sketches and art supplies, clean the bathroom, and teach Liam how to price the comics and extra merchandise.

when their fourth customer's entry sounds the bell, they both breathe a sigh of relief at the possible break of boredom. Zayn turns to Liam and gives him a small smile,  
"You're up."

Liam nods and jumps up from his chair, walking over to the boy who's just now fully entered. Zayn looks at the boy for a while, he's quite beautiful, and it kind of makes Zayn's stomach hurt. it's awful how nervous Zayn is that Liam's going to leave him for someone better.

Zayn's sitting there and Someone Better has a soft voice and is making Liam laugh, and it's shit. Zayn knows Liam wouldn't cheat on him, but it's hard to feel secure when Liam touches the boy's arm as he laughs. it's hard for Zayn to breathe properly when Liam's cheeks noticeably redden from laughter. it's not as much anger that bubbles within him, as it is sadness.

it seems to go on forever; the laughing, the light arm slapping. Zayn wants to fucking puke- he feels awful. he gets up from the desk chair in which he sat, jogging quickly to the back room.

Zayn's head hits the inside of the now closed door and he groans, sliding down and gripping his head. he lets his nails dig into his scalp as his brain tries to process what he's actually feeling right now: self pity or jealously. Zayn decides that it's both.

Zayn hates that he seems to always feel slightly hurt or annoyed by something. he doesn't understand why there has to be bumps in the road no matter what route he takes.

he's taping his feet in anticipation of the shelves falling and trapping him right now because he kind of wants to crawl into his bed and cry. he hears the front door close and he knows that he should probably get up before Liam gets suspicious. he hates that he feels like such a child. so he stands up and grabs some paper towels and the bottle of disinfecting spray. he puts on a brave face; despite his legs feeling wobbly, and re-enters the main part of the store.

Liam's at the desk with a stack of comics; entering the barcodes into the system. he obviously heard Zayn exit the back and spins around in the chair,  
"you okay, babe?"

Zayn nods and walks to a shelf to spray it with the cleaner and wipe it, even though he knows that Mary did it yesterday during her shift. he hears a sigh and he knows that Liam's walking over. Zayn tries to put on a happy face, but he feels his shoulders drop. Liam's hand is around his shoulder blades and his voice is soft,  
"you sure you're alright?"

Zayn feels his body stiffen and he can't help it, he feels fucking hormonal,  
"m'fine. did you help him find what he needed?" Zayn let a little attitude slip with the question and he mentally cursed himself.

Liam's arm is off of him and he's trying to look Zayn in the eyes,  
"yeah and I locked up the front. Z, are you like j-"

"am I what?" he snapped defensively and folded in on himself.

Liam closed his mouth into a line to breath steadily before continuing,  
"he honestly needed help finding a comic and we got talking about Batman, okay? that's it, chill out, babe."

Zayn walked across the room and started wiping the other shelves, but he wasn't even sure that he was wiping where he sprayed- why was he so worked up?  
"I'm fucking chilled out, Li, okay? everything's fucking peachy!" Liam chuckled and reached gently for Zayn's arm, who tugged it away quickly,  
"okay- I just don't understand why you had to laugh so hard at his jokes and touch his muscly arms."

Liam sighed,  
"he was slightly funny and he was nice, and I wanted to sell a good amount of comics, okay? I didn't even know I touched his arm. I wanna be good at this job."

Zayn sighed and continued to scrub the same damn shelf.  
"I'm sorry!" Zayn quieted his voice out of insecurity,  
"I just didn't need to see you flirting with someone so much hotter than me, okay?" Zayn walked to the corner where they kept the comics for which no one really cared, and he started tidying up the piles on the table.

Zayn's aware how closely Liam had followed, and he doesn't hear a response so he starts knocking himself even more in his head. if he were glass he'd fucking drop himself onto concrete so that he could shatter and escape this moment. he felt like a prick.

yet Liam's yanking the cleaner out of Zayn's hand and dropping it to the floor, along with the paper towel he was using. Liam's gripping Zayn's hips and spinning him around and lifting him while walking forward the few steps to the wall. Zayn's head hits the wall and it hurts a whole damn lot but it feels so good to be manhandled like this.

so now Liam's got Zayn's legs around his waist and him pushed hard against the wall. in a flash, Zayn's being kissed roughly, teeth into his lip and gliding along his tongue. Liam's pushing him harder against the wall with his hips and his nails are digging into Zayn's waist. Zayn feels like sand about fall in Liam's hold because of the pleasure, but he also knows that he hasn't felt this secure in his life. Liam's lips are warm and soft but strong and demanding. Liam suddenly pulls away and he's speaking quietly but there is power and intention in his voice,  
"there is no one in this universe that I find more attractive than I find you."

Zayn licks his bottom lip to taste his boyfriend- who he could totally do things with at this moment, if he weren't in their workplace. he's thankful that the cameras on this side of the store broke a few months ago. Liam slowly pulls away from his body and Zayn lets his own feet touch the floor again, his legs trembling and his jeans far too tight on his skin.  
"I- um," Zayn's voice came out all breathy and high so he cleared his throat and tried again,  
"I'm sorry I yelled at you, it wasn't your fault." his voice didn't sound close to normal, but it was decent, and he let it be.

Liam responded quickly,  
"no- I'm sorry I made you feel like that, Zayn. you don't deserve that, you mean everything to me. is your head okay? it hit the wall pretty hard."

Zayn laughed,  
"thank you, you mean everything to me too babe. about my head, it fucking hurt but that was so hot, I don't even care. you can throw me against a wall anytime if you're gonna kiss me like that."

Liam blushed and shook his head, a soft smile on his face,  
"we should finish closing up."

Zayn hummed and then started gathering his things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! it's been too long, but I'm trying to get back to this story!   
> the boy with muscly arms is a random guy, not anyone famous just so you guys know haha. I didn't want to give him a name lmao.  
> -Jasmine :)


	27. chapter twenty seven

Zayn and Liam have been working together non-stop for a week, since Mary is visiting her sister in Winchester. to have both Liam and Zayn work, it costs Shawn more money to have them working, but they get a lot of work done, and it's busy during the Summer anyway.

the work environment is steady. sometimes the store will have four families exploring it at once, and in twenty minutes it will be silent. Liam and Zayn learn to work with it, and it's fun.

despite Zayn's fear of change, he also has a fear of repetition. he despises waking up to the knowledge of exactly what's going to happen that day. as cliché as it sounds, he's completely terrified that he's wasting the time he has on Earth and that he's not living life to the fullest.

Zayn would prefer a life that was a bit more capricious, so if it won't work itself, he has to switch things up. he doesn't know how, but he needs to make things more exciting.

•••

Zayn's coming back from the bathroom to straighten shelves as he sees Liam just sitting down, proceeding to eat a few chips as he prices a few comics.  
"don't get too full, you won't be able to eat at our date tonight," Zayn smirked, awaiting Liam's confusion.

Liam spun around in the chair and it was comical how worried he looked that he forgot their-nonexistent- plans.  
"wait what date?"

Zayn smiled and walked up to Liam, placing a kiss on Liam's cheek,  
"yep, now we do. I'm taking you out this time, Li."

the smile that spread across Liam's face deserved an award. his smile reached his eyes- oh, those eyes- and the light crimson of his cheeks spread to his neck.  
"oh, are you then?" Liam ran a finger down Zayn's stomach playfully.

Zayn nodded, smiling and turning toward a shelf to hide his blush,  
"yes, right after work I'm kidnapping you for a meal and an adventure."

Liam laughed behind it and it made Zayn's stomach warm.  
"an adventure?"

Zayn laughed and the door signaled someone entering,  
"yes, stop nagging me- I have a customer to attend to." Zayn tried to sound serious but his words were laced with fond.

Zayn helped the nice girl named Cassidy, who he found out went by "Sidy" find her comics. he made a mental note to read them himself, because they seemed interesting; nothing like he was used to reading. he hated breaking to her that they haven't branched out their merchandise to games yet, but he recommended the best local place to find vintage video games and told her to come back soon. she just smiled, her stray ginger curls moving when she nodded.

she looked in Liam's direction and then back at Zayn, quietly speaking.  
"are you two together?"

Zayn blushed immediately and nodded, faking skepticism of possible ill intentions.  
"uh- yeah, how'd you know and why do you ask?"

she smiled and merely shrugged,  
"well, he was either eye fucking me or he was eye fucking you and all sources and past experiences of mine would have to assume it was you." she subtly frowned at herself but there was still a smile deep in there at the situation,  
"so I was just curious just in case you didn't realize he's like totally into you."

Zayn bit his lip and nodded,  
"yeah, thank you. he should keep his eyeS TO HIMSELF!" he shouted the last part with a laugh and then returned to a non-deafening volume,  
"but you're beautiful. I'm sure that any sane non-gay guy would totally eye fuck you."

she laughed loudly but she heard the compliment and Zayn could tell that she tried really hard to keep it in.  
"thank you, for your help and making me laugh my ass off. I gotta go, I'll be back soon, though. I'm a fast reader," and with that she was gone, and Zayn thinks it's fair to say that he's found a new friend.

the bell rings as she leaves and Zayn walks back to the desk, smiling like a fool. Liam's looking at him, completely confused,  
"what'd she say that's got you all joyful?" he teased, but he was smiling too.

Zayn poked his tongue out sassily before walking up and resting his elbows on the arms of the chair in which Liam sat. Zayn looked up at his very smiley and just soft and sweet boyfriend, feeling way too happy for his own good.  
"she said you were eye fucking me."

Liam's eyebrows rose and he hummed,  
"interesting."

Zayn fought a grin,  
"interesting, hmm?" he got a little closer, trying not to burst into laughter,  
"we're you eye fucking me, babe?"

Liam shrugged,  
"aren't I always?" he winked and pecked Zayn's lips,  
"but could you blame me?"

Zayn blushed and stood up slowly, stroking Liam's cheek before going to sweep the wooden floor by the door. he decided to vacuum later. the thin, dark carpet doesn't attract dirt, and he liked to do them at the beginning of the week. he empties the dust pan and removes the trash bag to take it to the dumpster; avoiding having to do it on his way out.

when he comes back, Liam's ringing up an older guy. the man is giddily rambling on about how he's happy to have found the same comics he'd lost years ago. Zayn's heart warms with happiness, he's so proud to work where he does. it seems so silly, but it's beautiful to provide the little things to make someone happier. the man leaves and Zayn jogs up to Liam, bumping his hip with his own,  
"was he nice?"

Liam nodded,  
"he talked my ear off, but in a good way. he was so happy to have that part of himself found again. it was like it'd been tucked in a box in his mind, and it opened and brightened up the place or something."

Zayn smiled and stared at him for a while, breathing in the brilliance of him in this moment.  
"beautiful."

Liam blushed and his eyes squinted as he put his head down, walking across the room to straighten a shelf.  
"hey you walked away from my fucking compliment."

Liam laughed,  
"as many times as you've done it to me, I think I deserve one." Zayn shrugged and smiled, taking a seat at the counter.

the last hour of their shift went by fairly quickly. only a few customers came by, but they were nice and it made the day end on a positive note.

Zayn switched off the open sign and closed the register. Liam took care of locking the front door and they left through the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry it took a while. I hope you liked this, it's kind of a filler/part 1 to the next chapter which will be their date. *Sidy is pronounced like city just so you know.* love you -Jas :)


	28. chapter twenty eight

the drive to the restaurant was short. they entered through the rustic wooden doors and Liam leaned into Zayn's side, his voice low and quiet,  
"I don't think I'm cool enough to be here."

Zayn rolled his eyes with a laugh, swatting Liam's shoulder playfully,  
"don't be ridiculous."

it had been a while since Zayn himself had been there. it's his favorite restaurant, no doubt about it. it's always crowded but maintains to be intimate. it isn't the typical dinner-date restaurant. it's usually clouded with smoke and there's a continuous poker game in the corner, across from a pool table. Zayn breathes it all in for a moment; trying to familiarize himself with the place once again. he noticed the new painting hanging opposite the check in counter, and the rug near the entry way. it had only been a few months but a lot had seemed to change.

however, the walls were still burgundy, maintaining their beauty like they dipped the place in wine. the neutral dining booths were the same, the old leather comfy as always.  
"this is beautiful, Zayn."

Zayn nodded, his eyes focused on the ceiling, wondering what they could do with a building with ceilings this high.  
"s'my favorite."

the waiter takes the order for their drinks and they're looking at the menus for a minute before Liam speaks again,  
"why haven't we gone here before?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"I guess I just wanted it to be the right time, I didn't want us to come here if I felt too-" he spoke quietly now, nervous,  
"if we were too temporary."

Liam shyly smiled, seeming to analyze his words for a minute,  
"I'm glad you brought me."

Zayn blushed and looked deeper into his menu. he heard Liam chuckle and he chose to ignore it. he looked at every page in the menu several times, knowing what he wanted from memory.  
"do you know what you're getting?"

Liam answered after a moment,  
"yeah, you?" Zayn hummed and closed his menu, leaning back into the chair.  
"so besides the obvious, with how pretty it is and all, why is this your favorite place?"

Zayn grabbed the cigarette from behind his ear,  
"well first of all, you can smoke," he chuckled at himself and lit his cigarette and took a drag before continuing.  
"I guess I like that I've gone here since it opened a couple years back. they let me help paint the walls in the bathroom." he smiled and thought about it for a second,  
"gray with red trim, nothing too creative."

Liam smiled,  
"that's cool."

Zayn shrugged a shoulder and smiled,  
"thanks, I guess I got to know the owner a little bit and it's just felt so familiar ever since I walked through the door the first time."

Liam nodded,  
"that makes sense. I think it's cool you've found places like that. I remember when we met you explained how you felt at home at the comic book store, and you have it here as well. it's really good to have that."

Zayn furrowed his eyebrows,  
"don't you?"

Liam bit his lip,  
"don't I what?"

Zayn bumped off his ashes on the tray, taking another drag,  
"don't you feel that way somewhere?"

Liam scratched at his shoulder, stuttering on for a moment before continuing,  
"I mean- I do now. I didn't really before; I did at like my family's house, but I never found a place on my own." Zayn nodded and he continued,  
"I was always trying to like- accept myself with my sexuality and all, so I wasn't comfortable anywhere." he sad it and Zayn watched some tension leave his shoulders, "but now I feel it at yours and at the store."

Zayn blushed, wondering why they hadn't talked about this before. why hadn't Liam felt that way before? he thought about how much trust that showed, leaving it at that, not wishing to push him too far.  
"good."

the waiter approached the table once again,  
"sorry to interrupt and for keeping you waiting. are you ready to order?"

Zayn nodded,  
"yes, I think so." Zayn could feel Liam's eyes on him and it made his heart shake within his chest.

"what can I get for you, sir?" he held a notepad in his hand, looking to Zayn.

Zayn spoke,  
"could I just get the original double burger with cheese and fries on the side?"

the waiter nodded and wrote it out on the pad, turning to Liam,  
"and what for you, sir?"

Liam nervously read over his order before he said it,  
"uh- could I please get the fried chicken sandwich and fries?"

he wrote them out and nodded to them,  
"yes, sir. I'll have that out for you both shortly," he collected their menus and headed toward the kitchen as Liam turned toward Zayn once again.

Zayn studied Liam's face, mesmerizing as always. he loved when Liam looked like this. they had worked all day- nothing too taxing, but Liam had unloaded a small shipment of comics and his hair was a bit messy. Zayn took note of the eyelash laying on his cheek, and the way his lips were pink from Zayn kissing him in his car. he's in a soft white tee shirt, and it makes him look so pure and relaxed; the color bright against his tan. Zayn takes a long drag from his cigarette, loving how Liam's eyes narrow as they study his face as well. 

Zayn briefly wonders if Liam thinks into his features as much as Zayn. he hopes so, because sometimes he feels a bit obsessive when he remembers things like the freckle under Liam's right ear. he can't help himself, he wants to remember everything about him. not just in case they break up and he misses him, but because in each moment, he will never look the same in the next. Zayn thinks he looks beautiful, so he tries to burn this image into his brain.

they sit in silence for a while, not needing anything said. Zayn listens to the other people around them- speaking of things that they'll never think about again. Zayn can't help but dislike constant small talk. he likes getting to the point, he likes someone who can challenge him. he likes that Liam will talk about his feelings and even try to get Zayn to voice his own. Zayn thinks, that for their particular relationship; sitting here and studying one another is doing more than talking about the game from last night, or their work schedules.

Zayn lets the silence wash over them for a while before he talks again,  
"did you have a job before the store?"

Liam seemed to be surprised that that was what Zayn said after such a pause, but he answered nevertheless,  
"well, I use to walk dogs, water plants, babysit- that kind of thing. I never got a job besides that," he pondered his next words for a moment, seeming to remember his past experiences. he looked sad. "my parents were more concerned about how I was feeling and they wanted me to focus on school and getting my license. they just made sure I could go to uni and start saving to get a place of my own."

Zayn nodded, putting out his cigarette in the ash tray.  
"so we're they supportive of you- when you told them you were gay?"

Liam's eyebrows furrowed in thought, taking a drink before answering,  
"I mean- they didn't know at first. they found out when I came home all bloody from the kids beating on me," his tone is bitter, but more vulnerable than anything else,  
"I couldn't get myself to lie to them. I just told them that I came out at school and it made people mad."

Zayn nodded, feeling tears in the back of his eyes at the thought of Liam feeling so lost and broken.  
"what'd they do?"

Liam chuckled a little,  
"well they were confused, they couldn't really understand any of it. they were almost mad at the fact that I told my mates before them." he sighed,  
"they didn't understand why the kids would beat me up, but they also didn't seem to think it was completely wrong of them." he shrugged and continued, his voice quiet,  
"they said they loved me no matter what, and I new they weren't lying, I just think that at first they thought I was just confused. like they thought I was sad and needed something to blame it on. it's better now though, now they understand a little better. sometimes my mum thinks I can't stand girls or something, but she's trying."

Zayn nodded, trying to wrap his head around such a different perspective of coming out. it was so interesting to hear in such detail how Liam was feeling.  
"I'm glad they're trying to get it now, I guess they just never thought they'd have to deal with that kind of thing."

Liam nodded,  
"yeah it's weird. how were yours about it all? we've only talked about how it went down at school."

Zayn's stomach twisted in a knot and he stuttered for a moment before the waiter showed up with the plates in each hand.  
"I apologize about the wait, the kitchen seems slow today."

Zayn and Liam chuckled and slid their drinks forward so he could place them on the table in front of them. Zayn and Liam said,  
"thank you," in unison and the waiter went to another table.

the table was silent again for a while, the only things said being Zayn's muttering of how much he loved the burgers they made.

this time though, the silence held an unspoken piece of concern. Zayn knew that Liam wanted him to talk about it, he wasn't an idiot. it's just that acting like he forgot, was a lot easier than bringing up the negative past. the thing was- he trusted Liam, maybe even too much. he's worried that if he starts, he could never stop seeking Liam's help with his memories. however, Zayn keeps repeating to himself that Liam shared about his own problems with no guards up, he put it on the table. shouldn't Zayn do the same? it's only fair. Zayn knows that he's stupid for caring so much about it- it was just as hard for Liam, so why did he feel like he had a brick stuck in his throat?

they both ate for a while, their meals half gone by the time they speak again. Zayn's worried he's fucking everything up. then, in the crazy way Liam's always the best he can be, he says,  
"do you need to not talk about it?"

yes. Zayn needs to not talk about it. it could make him feel sad again, it could make him feel bitter. except, he needs to show Liam how much he trusts him. he has to let his guard down at some point, right?  
"I first told them that I might be gay when I was like ten." Zayn's voice was small and Liam spoke up.

"Zayn you don't have to."

Zayn shook his head,  
"I didn't really know what gay was, I just knew that when I thought about kissing girls it was gross. so one time I asked them if it was bad that I wanted to kiss boys." Zayn chuckled and rolled his eyes at his memories, eating a few fries before continuing,  
"they of course analyzed it and kept asking me to explain myself. anyway, they misunderstood and they just said that it was a phase to be grossed out by girls; cooties and shit." Zayn bit his lip and spoke again,  
"it had taken a long time for me to finally admit to myself that I really was gay, so when I did, I didn't bring it up at first. it had been so long that they hadn't said anything else about it and it was like they forgot." his voice was more level now, but he expected it to be fucked up again soon.  
"I told them I was gay when I first started liking Daevon. it was so uncomfortable that even when I was having problems and wanting to try to be straight, I couldn't talk about it."

Liam looked completely puzzled,  
"you wanted to try to change yourself?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"I mean- yeah. when Daevon and I started dating, it was a huge weight lifted off my chest, but I wasn't comfortable. I wasn't I love with him and I realize now that he treated me like shit." he bit his lip and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts,  
"I let him fuck me because I felt like I should do that if I'm going to be gay, I thought that's what I should do, I didn't do it because I wanted to be with him in that way." Zayn could feel Liam's shoulders tense from across the table with a sense of protectiveness for the boy.  
"my mom thought I was just being with a boy because girls made me uncomfortable- whatever that means. my dad called me a dirty faggot at first, and told him that it was disgusting. he told me later that he just didn't want me to get a disease, but I knew that he thought I already was a disease."

Liam sighed,  
"you could never be a disease, Zayn."

Zayn nodded with his head down,  
"they're being supportive though, as much as they can be. they just don't get it, and I'm trying to deal with it. they know I'm with you, I've told my mom. she wants me to be happy, she just doesn't understand. my dad told me that he's just leaving alone that side of my life; which is kind of messed up, but it's probably best that way."

Liam nodded but he was so confused with it all, especially when he knew how hurt Zayn was about that part of his life.  
"Zayn I'm so sorry. thank you so much for telling me, baby."

Zayn bit his lip and shrugged,  
"I trust you, Li."

it fell silent and they continued eating for a while. their plates were about empty and Zayn saw that the waiter had left the check. he quickly slipped the money into the slot and looked up at Liam after he thanked him, shooting the man a nervous smile, worried what he's thinking.  
"can I see your painting job in the bathroom?"

Zayn smiled and nodded, standing up with a hand outstretched. Liam beamed and grabbed his hand instantly, standing to tower over him for a moment; quickly moving to follow behind him.

Zayn pushes the pristine white doors open, hearing the wood creak before they close behind them. a few men and a kid leave the bathroom as they turn the corner into where the few stalls are located. now it's practically empty; a few people on their way out. Zayn looks over the boring walls and chuckles,  
"they should either clean these more or repaint them."

Liam bumped Zayn's hip with his own,  
"you know what I think they should do?"

Zayn looked at him questioningly,  
"hmm?"

Liam smiled wide,  
"I think they should just let you loose in here, let you paint whatever you want. next thing you know, people are coming here to piss and not to eat- just so they can look at your art."

Zayn laughs, his tongue between his teeth,  
"wow. I think if they consider me good enough, they should let me in a different part of this place, not just the toilets."

Liam laughed and nodded,  
"of course."

it's silent for a moment and they're both thinking about the tough conversation from earlier. Zayn can feel Liam's grip tighten and his throat hitches with guilt,  
"it's okay, Li."

Liam shakes his head and pulls Zayn into the bigger stall. Zayn raises an eyebrow jokingly and Liam shakes his head with a grin.  
"Zayn I'm really sorry you felt like you had to tell me that. I shouldn't have pushed you. I can tell that it's hard for you to talk about and I didn't mean to make you sad; especially on our date."

Zayn shook his head,  
"you didn't do anything wrong. I asked you, you asked me back- that's how things work. I wanted to tell you, babe."

Liam looked at the floor and Zayn hates how he looks like an adorably sad puppy,  
"I'm just sorry."

Zayn grabbed Liam's cheeks and smiled,  
"I wanted to tell you."

Liam closed his eyes and nodded, bringing his hand up to card through Zayn's hair, now looking at him lovingly. Zayn's hands dropped to his sides and he leaned into Liam's touch; practically defenseless. Liam leaned down slowly, kissing Zayn's forehead and nose, leaning against his lips. Zayn took a few short breaths and muttered,  
"you make none of it matter anymore."

with every drag of his lips, Zayn felt even more embarrassed to be so infatuated with this boy. he also felt more and more sure that all of it was the truth, Liam was for who he needed to open up.

Liam kissed him, slowly, passionately, and so fucking warm. Zayn tries to ignore the few tears that have found their way down his cheeks, but he can't. Liam's walking Zayn back to the wall and grabbing his thighs, pressing him against the gray wall. Liam's tongue explores Zayn's mouth, tasting him. Zayn gripped onto Liam's back, pulling him closer, his lips moving down his jaw and attached to Zayn's neck. Zayn moaned softly, clawing his nails into Liam's back,  
"fuckfuckfuck."

Liam hummed and bit on Zayn's earlobe, his hands outstretched on Zayn's hips and torso. he sucked onto a part of Zayn's neck, darkening his skin; an old mark next to it now looking light. Zayn's suddenly talking,  
"how do you- fuck, always get me so worked up?"

Liam chuckled against his neck,  
"I guess that wondering is mutual, babe. you still owe me an adventure, remember?"

Zayn hummed,  
"if we wouldn't get caught, maybe you'd get two."

Liam chuckled lowly, rolling his hips against Zayn's, making his legs tighten around Liam's waist. Liam kisses near Zayn's ear,  
"m'gonna touch you,"  
Zayn hums as Liam hears the door open. he covers Zayn's mouth with his hand, obviously trying not to laugh. Liam uses his hips to keep Zayn upright, his other hand moving down to his jeans. Zayn shook his head in embarrassment, there was now more than one extra person in the bathroom. when Liam palmed him through his jeans, that lustful smirk prominent on his face, he couldn't stop himself from whining in the back of his throat.

Liam placed his finger on Zayn's lips to signal to keep quiet, moving his other finger down Zayn's stomach, leaving goosebumps on his skin. Liam bit his lip and quietly unbuttoned Zayn's jeans, making quick use of unzipping them. Zayn felt like his heart was jumping out of his chest, trying to take deep breaths as he stared up at Liam. his back was cold from the wall but Liam's hands were warm and strong as he pulled Zayn's jeans and boxer briefs down to the tops of his thighs. Zayn shuddered as his cock slapped against his stomach. Liam placed a kiss to his lips, their lips sliding together as he wrapped his hand around Zayn.

Liam was doing everything in his power to keep them quiet: keeping Zayn's lips busy and not moving his hand at a speed that would cause volume. Liam pulls away from their kids to get air and look down at Zayn's dick that is steadily releasing precome. Zayn kissed Liam's shoulder and closed his teeth around the flesh easily acceptable. Zayn lets out little gasps when Liam keeps thumbing over his slit and using his precome to make the slide easier as he grips his base. Zayn kissed Liam's collarbone and started making his mark on his right collarbone.

it takes a few minutes for Zayn to realize that Liam is only using one hand on him, and now it makes sense why Liam lightly bit Zayn's neck in pleasure; his own hand working feverishly on himself as well as Zayn.

despite feeling completely blown away by Liam, he can't help but feel guilty for just sitting there. however, he feels safe in Liam's arms and he can't help but feel vulnerable. he is.

they kiss for a while longer after that, their breathing getting heavier. Zayn knows that somebody must have heard them because they hear a curse word and a slam of the door. it just makes them laugh though, and things heat up again quickly. Zayn feels Liam's hand speed up and slow at the exactly right moments and he can't do anything except latch onto Liam's back with his nails and watch it happen.

they go from being close and on the edge to coming with a small moan, Liam's hands desperately trying to keep their clothes untouched by it all. he manages it well, breathing hard and quickly against the wall. he presses a few, quick, overwhelmed kisses to Zayn's cheeks and neck, muttering how beautiful he is and how much he drives him crazy. Zayn took a deep breath, feeling heavy in Liam's embrace. he chuckles, looking at Liam's hands; both drenched in come.  
"you know, I was supposed to take you for an adventure, you weren't supposed to take me."

Liam laughed and placed a kiss to Zayn's lips,  
"you good to stand?" Zayn nodded and Liam let Zayn hold onto his shoulders while they figured a way to keep them upright. Zayn stood and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe Liam's hands, shyly smiling up at him. Zayn got the majority of their mess cleaned and moved his thumb down, dragging it over Liam's tip; the man shuddering from pleasure and over sensitivity. Zayn brought his thumb into his mouth, sucking the mess off. Liam shook his head with a smile, kissing Zayn's neck softly; pulling up his jeans and buttoning and zipping them for him. Liam licked along a hickey he had made moments ago. Zayn hummed and softly swatted Liam's shoulder,  
"don't fucking get me hard again, gonna want more of you."

Liam chuckled and squeezed Zayn's ass, placing a last kiss on his nose,  
"is that bad?"

Zayn bit his lip and pulled up Liam's jeans, zipping and buttoning them up. Zayn kissed his cheek and mumbled,  
"what'd I'd want shouldn't be in public, Li." Zayn got even quieter,  
"especially when we haven't done that in private." he kissed Liam's jaw and hummed.

Liam growled and kissed him hard, gripping Zayn's waist.  
"yeah let's go before- yeah, let's go."

Zayn bit his lip at Liam's flustered state, running his hand on Liam's cheek as he passed him to exit the stall, going to the sink to wash his hands. Liam followed quickly behind him, trying not to laugh at the man a few sinks over that totally just witnessed their little conversation. he just grabbed Zayn's hand and muttered,  
"I'm so sorry," as he dragged him out the door.

they get out to the car and Liam turns to him,  
"uh- so what's this about an adventure?"

Zayn chuckled,  
"you'll see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave feedback! I'm proud of the length of this btw. lol!


	29. chapter twenty nine

Zayn can feel the breeze from the crack of his window as the steady sound of the blinker clicks in his ears. the street isn't new by any means, but it's oddly smooth. maybe it's just the time of night and the calmness it brings. Zayn feels Liam's gaze fixated upon him and he can't help but nervously laugh, only turning to meet Liam's eyes for half seconds at a time. he still feels Liam's eyes on him when they hit a stop light, so he chuckles and turns to him,  
"what?"

Liam shakes his head and instead leans over the console enough to reach him, a small smile on his lips as he places a kiss on Zayn's cheek  
"you're just so beautiful."  
his hand sprawls across Zayn's inner thigh and it makes him shudder and look to the road to make sure the light's still red- it is.

"Liam," it's a pleading tone- as if he doesn't know if he wants him to stop or continue.

Liam licks at the part of Zayn's neck under his ear, placing a warm kiss on it afterward, backing away in time for the light to change.

Zayn takes a deep breath and continues to drive, reminding himself of the route he used to take so often. Zayn feels the bumps in the road as he slightly rocks side to side.  
"so where're you taking me, then?"

Zayn chuckled,  
"are adventures really adventures when you know where you're going?"

Liam shrugged,  
"good point, but do you know where we're going?"

Zayn sent a fond glare Liam's way before replying,  
"yes."

Liam hummed, pretending to contemplate his answer,  
"ah- so it's only a one-way adventure." Zayn wasn't looking over at him, but he could hear it in his voice that he was smiling. it was really nice.

Zayn answered shortly after,  
"except- I haven't been there in a pretty long time. so- the experience could now be entirely different," Zayn's voice held attitude despite the small delay his accent gave to each word. he looked over every few seconds to watch Liam's lips turn up slightly with amusement,  
"-and I think that that possibility alone makes it an adventure for me too."

Liam nods, drumming on his knees with his fingertips,  
"okay- I guess I can give you this one."

Zayn rolled his eyes,  
"thanks." he smiles for a few moments, turning onto a road a little darker than the last.

Zayn's fine until the dirt road starts. he's okay when there is smooth asphalt beneath him and it feels like any other day driving around with Liam. it's just- when he can hear the familiar crunching of the dirt road; how the rocks move under the tires- it makes his stomach flip. there's so many memories going with this and it's terrifying. he wants to take Liam here- there's a very valid reason for it. it's just that making it happen was a bit difficult.

Zayn drives through the short grass to move off the normal track of this road, the rocks even louder. Zayn tries to put on a nonplussed expression, but he knows he sucks at it- especially with Liam. that boy reads through him better than of which any of his family could dream.

he feels Liam move foreword in his seat- as if he's trying to see farther into the night; like the car lights just aren't bright enough. Zayn parks and flicks on the small light above their heads, because he can't tell Liam's expression when the shadows are hitting him the way they are.

Liam's lips are still pink and he's got the reflection of the light on his forehead, his eyes confused but trusting.  
"so... what now?"

Zayn bit his lip and and nodded his head toward outside and opened his door, sliding out and going over to Liam's side right as the boy was standing to reach his height then tower over him a bit. Zayn gave him a small smile and grabbed Liam's hand and shut his door for him, their fingers intertwined.

Zayn's other hand is holding his phone that is acting as their flashlight, because the ground is very uneven and it's very dark.

all they can hear in the distance is the whip of cars going by above them. Zayn looks around and everything non-living looks the same- give or take a few graffiti pieces- and it's the steady traffic that takes him back to when he first came here. the green- the messy bushes and grass are a mix between dead and alive; desperately trying to hold onto the ground, but the wind is so strong.

they're under and slightly in front of an old overpass, the arch of it dirt covered and graffiti marked. the first part to their adventure is nothing close to glamorous, but it's important.  
"sorry it's so dark and like- boring, I've just always found it so beautiful."

Liam shook his head and squeezed Zayn's hand as he looked around,  
"it is beautiful."

Zayn's about to speak but a loud honk fills his ears, making him chuckle and wait for the chaos to pass.  
"I uh- I first came here when I was about 11. I was with my best friend at the time- his name was Wyatt. he lived a mile or two down that bike trail over there and we were always running around." Zayn smiled with nostalgia and continued,  
"his Mom said for us to go to the park, but the park was like a half a mile the exact opposite way from the trail. he said she wouldn't care if she found out, and she didn't- but the way she yelled at him for stupid shit, I know he was just trying to sound cool."

Liam laughed and spoke,  
"that makes sense. so how'd you find this place?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"we were fucking around and chasing each other down the path and we wound up standing against that wall to catch our breaths. I guess I just really liked it here. then he was joking about how he felt like we were in an action movie. I asked him if he thought he'd need some hot girl with him like all the action heroes do, and he was kidding about how 'oh no, I've got you babe,' and he was laughing and being an idiot and kissed me then and there."

Liam chuckled,  
"seriously? did he like you?"

Zayn shook his head and shrugged,  
"he was kidding, the kiss was totally platonic, but I mean- it was my first kiss." Zayn frowned,  
"and it was the first time that like- after I told my parents that I thought I wanted to kiss boys, that it actually made sense. like then I actually felt like maybe I could be with someone in general."

Liam nodded, taking in his words. Zayn could tell that Liam was loving his spill of emotions, and it made it worth it that his stomach felt like a storm.

Liam's eyes were always soft, but right now they looked as if the brown could spill out if the wind picked up. he was so beautiful and gentle, and went he smirked just a little, Zayn was hit once again with how much he cares for the boy. Liam speaks soon, and Zayn can't help but chuckle at his words.  
"so are you trying to make me jealous? telling me of your platonic but still physical adventures with Wyatt?" he pulled on Zayn's hand, feigning hurt as Zayn laughed.

Zayn nodded sarcastically,  
"yes that's it, babe."

Liam chuckled and kissed Zayn's forehead,  
"knew it."

Zayn smiles up at him for a moment, knowing that Liam does wish to know the true reason for his being there.  
"no it's just that- a lot has happened here. well not like a lot- but enough that it matters. I- I don't know."

Liam squeezed his hand and nudged him on,  
"explain."

Zayn nodded and sighed shakily,  
"Daevon brought me here- on accident. like he was mad and this is where he pulled off and parked."

Liam's eyebrows furrowed at Zayn's hesitant tone,  
"why was he mad?"

Zayn bit his lip, and avoided Liam's eyes,  
"it's kind of embarrassing."

Liam grinned,  
"to you or him?"

Zayn shrugged,  
"maybe both?"

Liam nodded,  
"well I'd like to know."

Zayn nodded, rolling his eyes and trying to get his shit together enough to speak,  
"Daevon wanted to like- hook up in his car-" Zayn met Liam's eyes for a second and he hated how weak he felt, so he looked away again.  
"-and I wasn't really like- up for it. I had a shit ton of studying to do and I had to get home." he scratched at his forehead with a sigh,  
"so when I told him that, he just kept trying to convince me to just do it or at least blow him- and I got really mad and told him off so he pulled over."

Liam's teeth clenched and rubbed his thumb along Zayn's hand,  
"shit."

Zayn nodded,  
"yeah. so I made him just leave me here because I recognized it, and he told me I was being ridiculous. he said that I was being a shitty boyfriend. I mean- I got home so late from walking that I didn't get to study anyway, so I probably should have just done what he wanted, but I was worried that my parents would be mad if I failed."

Liam nodded,  
"Z- he was the shitty boyfriend, not you. don't you dare let yourself think that you should have let him fuck you when you didn't want it, that's horrible, baby." he pulled him Zayn in for a hug and spoke again,  
"and I fucking hate that he had the honor or even looking at you, because he didn't deserve that, let alone be that close to you."

Zayn smiles against Liam's chest and chuckled, pulling back and muttering,  
"I feel like you're my therapist tonight."

Liam laughed louder than Zayn would have expected, until Liam's words let him understand why.  
"uh- I don't think your therapist should jerk you off in bathrooms."

Zayn laughed and swatted at Liam's arm,  
"shit that's probably true."

Liam nodded, a smile still on his face,  
"but seriously, I'm glad you told me about that and I'm sorry he's so fucked up."

Zayn nodded but shrugged,  
"that's the point though. I brought you here because of how fucked up things have been- before you. it might sound really stupid but I thought that maybe if I brought you, instead of them bringing me, it'd be different." he walked them forward to lean against the cold cement,  
"I felt like- maybe if I did it that way, it could end up differently. because things ended horribly with Daevon and I'm not friends with Wyatt anymore since he found out I was gay. which apparently, he's uncomfortable with- even though he was the one who kissed me!" Zayn laughed and Liam joined along, biting his lip. "but anyway; that's why- well besides the fact that I was too scared of the area to go by myself."

Liam smiled with a shake of his head,  
"you're so adorable."

Zayn grinned and placed a kiss on Liam's cheek, nudging him with his elbow,  
"Ready for part 2?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so shitty with frequent updates lately that it's barely worth explaining but long story short I'm at public school again so homework has made me unable to pay as much attention to fics which SUCKS.:( I know what I'm going to have the next chapter be, so it shouldn't take me tooo long, but I don't want to promise anything because my schedule is honestly insane right now. thank you for all the feedback you guys give me, it means so much to me like it's crazy. please leave kudos and comments because they make me happy & want to update. I love you all! -Jasmine


	30. chapter thirty

As Zayn's driving Liam to their next destination, the roads aren't empty by any means, but they're filled to the point where you could never possibly get stuck in traffic, but you might be agitated at a few drivers. the tires drag along the small rocks lingering on the street from construction. yet it's been raining so of course there is mud on the dark asphalt and Zayn can hear the gravel as he turns from the side road to the main street. he can also feel Liam's eyes inspecting the left side of his face. Zayn didn't look over at him, just let a small smile tug his lips,  
"babes, s'there something on my face?" when he didn't get an immediate reaction, he looked over at Liam to find him blushing. this vulnerability always comes as a shock to Zayn; it's not even him linking masculinity and gender norms, it was just social implication burying itself into a mental gap. so he can't wrap his head around such a contradiction to Liam's strength and height.  
"Liam, what?" he laughed and turned back to the road every few seconds, once to switch lanes, the raised pavement markers causing small hiccups under his tires as they moved.

Liam smiled even wider and Zayn followed the movement of Liam running his rough fingers over his lips as if he's attempting to physically lessen his soft smile.  
"you're just so pretty."

Zayn barked out a raspy laugh and raised his eyebrow at Liam,  
"I'm pretty?"

Liam hummed with a chuckle as Zayn hit a stop light, which allowed Liam to lean over the console to kiss the stubble along Zayn's jawline, playfully biting the skin there.  
"oh don't worry love. it's a tough, rugged kind of pretty."

Zayn chuckled and Liam's teeth lightly clamped once again, a small whine stuck in the back of Zayn's throat,  
"love when you do that," cursing to himself when the light turned green again.

Liam lowered his voice,  
"you love when I call you pretty?"

Zayn jokingly scowled, blushing with a smile,  
"not that."

Liam hummed once again, running his hand to Zayn's knee, resting there comfortably. Zayn's exhale reached his stomach, and every touch seemed so familiar.

familiarity is usually something Zayn hates. he hates when he can predict what people are going to say, and he hates having a strict schedule. he has to switch things up so that he doesn't feel trapped.

Zayn's never been one to wake up at the same time every morning, eat the same thing, have the same old small talk that is too simple to pretend to be genuine, and go to sleep after the same old dinner. he's been one to admire the changes in the sky as the time passes, and search for deep conversations in everyone, and stay up until his eyes can't listen to his brain anymore.

yet with the familiar warmth of Liam's palm against the rip in his jeans worn down on his knee, he loves it. there isn't anything about it that makes Zayn ache for something new, he wants these feelings for as long as he can experience them, and the only change he seeks is to experience these familiar things in many settings, and it's beautiful to feel at home while looking at many sunsets out of many windows.

Liam let his fingers trail away from Zayn's knee and placed a kiss on his cheek, then on his neck for a little too long of a time to be playful, and Zayn bit his lip and pooled his willpower in a desperate attempt to channel it to focusing on the road. he sent a playful glare Liam's way, the left blinker in his car softly blending with Liam's response that followed shortly afterward,  
"I wanna see where you're taking me."

Zayn nodded,  
"good, were almost there. don't get too excited." Liam smiled but if the man's beaming smile was anything to judge, Zayn was aware that Liam was in fact far too excited for where they were going.

after approximately another five minutes of the varying neon of the traffic lights passing over Zayn's car, Liam jokingly accused him of lying and not comprehending the meaning of time, and that Zayn apparently didn't know what "almost there" meant, which got him a light slap to the chest and a hidden smile.

it wasn't as if Zayn contracted an extremely elaborate plan for their next destination, because he felt as if it was such an obvious choice of where to take Liam. except this place wasn't one to which he took Daevon. if it were up to him now, he never would've taken Daevon to the restaurant. however, at the time, it hadn't meant as much to him, but this place was one he would've never shared with anyone-not even Louis.

it's just that- Zayn has never had the ability to comprehend why this place was so important to him, and he doesn't understand how Liam can mean the world to him when they haven't known each other for a long while, but he hopes maybe visiting this place with Liam will help him figure out at least one of those things. he also hopes that this place could grow to mean as much to Liam as it does to himself.

just as Zayn's mind starts to wander even more, he sees the back road off the highway, and he heads down the gravelly path, hearing Liam jokingly say,  
"is this the part where you murder me?" in a hushed tone, and Zayn laughs just as his heart begins to slow and calm as he parks in The Spot.

it's mid afternoon, probably closer to evening by now, and the sun is indecisively hanging in the sky in a bath of pinks and oranges, yet somehow- with the reflection of the sun across the cement, the area in which Zayn and Liam are parked appears to be blue and gray. maybe it's the moon awaiting it's own return, and maybe it's the blues hidden in the sky, but either way it's there and it feels distant yet familiar.

Zayn can feel the air spilling in through the small crack from his window being open, and he takes one of those deep breaths that reach your chest, turning to Liam with an awkward smile,  
"so- this place is like... I mean- okay," Zayn stuttered out, sighing and contemplating his words, then deciding to talk quickly so that he wouldn't feel like he was being an idiot.  
"I know that this place looks like where crime TV shows would shoot the scene where they find the bad guy like- about to kill the person and they're like yelling and then arrest him- like i'm fully aware of the fact that most people wouldn't find it beautiful-" Liam smiled fondly and nodded in agreement, urging Zayn to continue,  
"but i mean i guess it became another one of those safe areas. except i've never in my life shown this to anyone, i always felt like it was childish and creepy to find the more abandoned area under a highway comforting, you know?"

Liam proceeded to open his door and slip from his seat,  
"It's not childish."

Zayn repeated Liam's actions, walking forward to meet him in front of the car. Liam was just looking around, his face not showing readable expressions. Zayn's ears itches to know Liam's opinion on his secret hiding place, but instead of demanding a description, Zayn became more familiar with the left pocket of his jeans and how the rocky under his heel slid as he did so.

soon however, Liam was walking closer to the cement holding up the road; against which Zayn spent many hours contemplating the roads of his mind. Zayn followed patiently behind, biting his lip in curiosity. he strained his ears to hear, "it's strange," Liam muttered but soon let himself be heard,  
"my heart feels heavy- i don't know how to explain this- but i feel like i'm invading something."

Zayn's cheeks reddened with how much power was within Liam's words, it affected him in a way the was incomparable.  
"i've spent a lot of time here... but you're not invading anything."

Liam nodded and looked around,  
"so what'd you do here?"

Zayn cringed- not because anything he did was gross- just at the fact that he was embarrassed of all the free time once had in his social life.  
"uh... a mixture. sometimes i'd just read comics or just watch the sky change, i'm not sure why. but i mean-" Zayn ran his fingers through his hair, walking forward as he spoke,  
"the main reason why i brought you here- which- as a warning-is very lame, is because-" he squatted down, the soles of his vans immersed in dead grass and dirt- reaching between a scrap of cardboard weighted down by a rock and the pebbles and dirt beneath it, shakily pulling out a ratty and dusty but all too familiar black tattered journal- "i wanted to show you this." Zayn used his pointer finger to trace the "Z" he once carved into it, standing to show the book to Liam.

Liam smiled with fondness sparkling in his eyes,  
"that's so cool. how old is that?"

Zayn thought about it for a moment,  
"I started writing in it and stuff when i was like 14, that was when my issues-i guess you could say- started." Liam nodded and Zayn continued,  
"I started leaving it here around that time, I guess i felt that here, if anyone did find it, it would be less likely for it to be discovered by someone that knew me."

Liam bit his lip anxiously,  
"d'you want to show me what's in there?"

Zayn nodded and chuckled,  
"yeah, it's pathetic but kinda funny so- strap in."

Liam smiled and leaned against the concrete as Zayn theatrically cleared his throat and searched through the pages, shaking his pointer finger when he found it, smiling before reading from the paper,  
"someday I hope that I can meet a boy that likes boys too and doesn't hurt me like most people have. maybe he'll kiss me and I'll glow like in dumbass romantic movies and he'll help me feel less sad. I really want that, even though I'm scared to- oh my gosh," Zayn crinkled his eyes and momentarily hid his laugh into his palm, "-scared to have something in my bum- but people seem to enjoy it so I guess I'll figure it out. but I want a boy who makes me feel better, so it'll be worth it and I'll love him." Zayn chuckled at himself and looked up at Liam, who's eyes seemed to be filled to the top with tears but his cheeks remained dry and his jaw stubbornly stiff.

Zayn tried to read his expression but even Liam seemed as if he weren't sure what he felt. Liam answered him soon enough, though. Liam shook his head and his lip curved into a small smile,  
"do i make you feel better?" he placed a kiss on Zayn's lips and whirled up an eyebrow,  
"so like- can you feel yourself glowing or is that something about which I inform you?"

Zayn rolled his eyes,  
"are you making fun of me? innocent virgin, sexually confused me?" Zayn stood up on his tippy toes dragging his thumb along Liam's cheek bone, Liam noticeably smelling the tobacco on his fingertips, "-making fun of little Zayn who was in desperate need of affection? is that what you're doing right now? hmm?" Zayn smiled seductively, tapping the tattered journal against Liam's chest.

Liam kissed Zayn's forehead, muttering,  
"no, but i wanted to ask if I met up to my baby boy's expectations."

arousal churned within Zayn's stomach at the name, but Zayn held his own, standing flat on the ground and shrugging,  
"I suppose so."

Liam chuckled lowly, leaning forward and molding their lips together, his hand on Zayn's hips, pushing him against the concrete, the fabric of Zayn's shirt feeling like a feather tickling his knuckles as heat spread through him like a forest fire. However, Zayn pulled away for a moment to mutter,  
"I love you, so you meet the expectations."

Liam's heart filled up and it was so emotional but Zayn wasn't going to get uncomfortable, because he wanted to bathe in this comfort for a while, so he listened as Liam said,  
"I love you too," and the skies turned from pinks and blues to star filled darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK AND VERY SORRY PLS DONT HATE ME FOR DISAPPEARING. pls leave kudos and comments.

**Author's Note:**

> ily!! PLS leave kudos :)


End file.
